Foster Further

I thought of another example (see previous post) on how bureaucracy harms more than helps. In the checklist of items to do before being initially licensed was a CPR certification for the adults in the home. The agency offered a link to a website where you could do a chintzy online quiz to get your certification (the same one I've done every year before school starts as part of back-to-school PD for teachers). I knew it was a joke and I wanted us to all be truly prepared--even our oldest son since I knew he'd be watching the kids sometimes. So, back then I signed up Theo, Seth (then 16) and I for a 4 hour class, in person, with real CPR dummies, an AED practice thingy, first aid materials, etc. We paid about $60 per person out of our own pocket. Since we were the only people in the class we were able to focus on infant and child CPR and scenarios that might come up, like choking. In the weeks after the class we talked about it and also taught Gus (then 12) a few things. It w...

It's really hard to rise above bureaucracy. There's pretty much no rising allowed. Either you do the petty paperwork or...you're out. Tomorrow we meet with our licensing social worker to renew our license. (This is social worker #3 in our lives. She's not to be confused with the foster care social worker nor the adoption social worker. If I believed it actually took some level of expertise to manage all the rules and paperwork for each area then I'd understand. But, in reality, all three of them give us the forms ahead of time and we fill them all out by ourselves, then turn them back in. If the forms are so easy a layman can do it--how does their agency need to hire three different people just to manage one family?) The list of things we have to do to renew our license is long and feels sillier by the minute. There's a 10 page questionnaire with statements like: In the past year have you kept your medications locked up? In the past year, if you own a g...

From the last post of feeling so good, feeling so in love with my little girls, feeling so at peace and happy with the world...we come to today. Today I am frightened, threatened, angry, frustrated. Awhile ago Kate was supposed to have a 30 month well child checkup. When the social worker told me about this I totally blew it off. I figured by the time they'd get around to caring the adoption would be final and we could skate by. I made this decision not on my own but when I took her in for her flu shot and the nurse told me that she's up to date on all her shots. I asked them about a 30 month checkup and they looked at me funny and said, uh, nobody does that anymore. Okay, if the doctor's office says it isn't needed then I'm not about to pitch a fit trying to make them do something they can't even bill for. Last Monday the state's official adoption agency okayed the adoption. But, there was a delay in taking that paperwork to the judge because the subs...

Today was Jane's last therapy appointment. Last January I began earnestly looking for a family therapist experienced in the foster-to-adopt world. It was hard to find one who also accepted Medicaid. I wasn't wowed by her but she was nice enough and I certainly welcomed a listening ear when I needed to vent and ask for advice. I've felt for the past few weeks that I'm kinda done with seeing a therapist. I don't see her doing anything astounding with Jane. I'm past the point of desperately seeking advice. The more Jane has become "my" daughter the less I've needed outside help. This seems like a natural and healthy progression for me. But, I couldn't end, or more accurately, put on hiatus, our time with the therapist because I won't do anything that'd trigger more paperwork and delays from the agencies. I do believe we'll need therapists at times in our future but right now it's okay to take a break. I wish I could've had ...

A few weeks ago I wrote about two major stressors in our home--incompetent house painters dragging out a job while also making our yard a danger zone for playing kids; and young, inexperienced social workers who thought they'd uncovered something happening that isn't allowed by the state (spanking) which launched a Special Investigation. It's been a very long couple of weeks. I did ask the house painters to make some changes that they agreed to and it helped. They, supposedly, entered the final touch-ups three days ago. It was only, "a few hours work" three days ago and they've put in three more 6-8 hour days and still aren't done. They've packed up and then brought back all their ladders and equipment three times in three days. Because that's the kind of highly efficient, highly organized dweebs these guys are. Enough of them. I don't even care anymore. They'll be gone by October...I think. And today the big Special Investigation beg...

Let me start by saying that in my professional and personal life I've known lots of social workers and some of them are the smartest, wisest, most insightful people I've ever met. Several are the kind of person I hope I grow up to be someday. A good friend of mine, who is a social worker, got a full ride to college and probably could've gone into any degree area she wanted to pursue. So, lots of smart social workers out there...just not the ones we have. Our adoption social worker called yesterday for this purpose: SW: what's your monthly income me: didn't we put our yearly income on X form (I can picture it in my head) SW: yes, but I need the monthly income pause  me wondering, will she figure this out? nope. me: couldn't you just divide the yearly income by twelve to get a monthly income? lengthy pause SW: (still thinking hard, trying to puzzle her way through this complex math problem) yeah...I guess...I think that would work...okay! It worked! ...

The utterly inept 22-yr-old adoption caseworker hired in February, trained in March and independently on the job in May, just emailed that she'd accidentally given me the wrong fingerprinting forms when she was here. We already did the fingerprinting! Theo left work early. I arranged childcare. It's a hassle as the fingerprinting place is not close. And we already got it done because I'm determined to hand her a completed packet at her next visit on June 3rd in order to get us through this ridiculous process as quickly as possible. I responded that we will be discussing this at her next visit, which will be attended by her supervisor. (Subsequent to a lengthy email and phone call I had with her supervisor after her initial visit, all visits will now include her supervisor in a coaching capacity. She also must now submit an emailed update to both her supervisor and me every two weeks for review.) Here's the thing. Paperwork is all she does. All social workers since...

This is the email I just got from our Adoption social worker: Listed are the items I need from you, -           Fingerprinting -           Local clearance form for you -           Alternate caregiver form -           Family assessment questionnaire -           Utility bill -           Verification of income -           Your health insurance card -           Car payment statement -           Car insurance statements -           Mortgage/rent statement -      ...

Just had our first meeting with the Adoption social worker. Who is different than the Foster Care social worker; who is different still from our Licensing social worker. So, this is the third social worker making visits to our home now. Guess what she brought? Paperwork. Guess what she said before she gave me Every. Single. Form. "This is really hard to fill out...it's so confusing...I don't know why...Call me if you have any questions...I guess they changed it...It's really confusing...It's so hard...I don't know why..." She did not know how to fill out a single form. So, why exactly, will I be calling you for help in the future if you're utterly confused about the form right now??? What magic knowledge will you acquire between then and now--short of learning how to do your job which you clearly didn't bother to learn before coming to my home in the first place??? I'm just gonna say (and I know I'm being bitchy and this is not univ...