Foster Further

 It's been several weeks since The Big Consequence of losing a toy if Jane lies was enacted. After that first day when we took two trips she hadn't had another incident. It felt miraculous; and tentative.  But, also, it was wondrous to see her finally blooming. I feel like she's become happier by the day. Now that she herself has finally decided to live an honest and open life she's so much more affectionate and healthy in her interactions. No more always trying to monitor everything so she could gauge how to respond; always guarding her true feelings.  I also think she's become more resilient. If I do have to discipline her for something now it feels like she can bounce back and return to a calm, connected state quicker. I used to worry that one incident could send her reeling for days--and always with the looming fear that she'd do something harmful in retaliation. Now, if she forgets to put her shoes away I can tell her and it's no big deal.  So, after we

 Jane has not told a lie (to my knowledge) since the day we drove to Goodwill twice to give away some of her toys. At least, I haven't directly asked anything of her and had her lie (I have no idea if she's told a lie of omission).  Tonight at bedtime we were talking. Earlier today her little sister got angry, instead of grateful, when Jane tried to tell her something. Jane's feelings were hurt because she loves to be an expert and boss Kate around. I asked her to wonder why Kate reacted that way.  That led to a conversation about the natural consequence of being someone your sister can't trust anymore. Jane has led Kate into punishment too many times for Kate to follow her any more. Jane finally really felt that pain. For years we've tried to tell her that being untrustworthy would only hurt her but somehow she never made the connection--until today. She cried and cried. It was all hitting her. She lies > Kate distrusts > Kate won't play with her > Jan