Foster Further

 Gonna make this short as it's been a long, emotionally exhausting couple of days. In summary: while I was flying high thinking life was great, Jane was using every moment I was out of the house to do a whole series of small, destructive things.  It all came out yesterday. I spanked her. Now we're in the long rebuilding phase that feels more demoralizing every single time we have to go back to square one in rebuilding trust with her.  Important take aways from the therapist: There are two core truths or beliefs we adults dealing with traumatized children have to keep in mind always. 1) She believes she is a bad person. She feels shame for being rejected by her parents. Something must be wrong with her at her core for her own mother to reject her. 2) Like everyone else, she wants to do good and be in a positive relationship with others.  That's the constant push-pull. That's the whiplash for why she does shitty things even in the midst of having a good week.  Response fr

 This all just happened so I'm writing while the details are fresh in my mind.  I had to take one of the older boys to visit a school. It was a last minute thing and James, who's going through a mommy-love phase, was upset. I said he could come with me which sent the girls, Jane and Kate, into an anxiety spiral about being left behind. I promised that when I got back I'd take them out next.  Two hours later I'm back and, as promised, I load the girls up to get their bangs cut. Normally it's something I do but this was an excuse to go do a special girly thing. After their haircuts we went to walk around the mall.  Walking in the mall: Jane becomes increasingly over-stimulated. She can't keep track of where she's going and is constantly walking into people or objects. She begins hopping and flapping when we walk by stores with lots of colors or objects she likes (e.g. Victoria Secrets, but that's a whole other post). Her speech is high and squeaky or freak

 Talking to the therapist two days ago and he asked how the youngest three kids get along. I said that they get along great. Three seems like a good number. If one of them wants a break and time alone there are still two to play together. Or, three is a fun little group if they want to wreak havoc and do something wildly creative. Of course there are small squabbles but nothing lasts more than a few minutes. There are truly no issues I'm worried about in their relationship dynamic.  The therapist was dumbfounded. Kept saying how rare this is. I hadn't really thought about it before.  Now I've been pondering why we have so little squabbling (less fighting than our two boys did at certain stages of their lives) among them. First, I truly think they're all highly social and more interested in getting along than fighting. It works because they want it to work. We won the personality lottery there.  Second, I do remember spending a lot of time when they were 2, 3, and 3 in