Foster Further

 It's been several weeks since The Big Consequence of losing a toy if Jane lies was enacted. After that first day when we took two trips she hadn't had another incident. It felt miraculous; and tentative.  But, also, it was wondrous to see her finally blooming. I feel like she's become happier by the day. Now that she herself has finally decided to live an honest and open life she's so much more affectionate and healthy in her interactions. No more always trying to monitor everything so she could gauge how to respond; always guarding her true feelings.  I also think she's become more resilient. If I do have to discipline her for something now it feels like she can bounce back and return to a calm, connected state quicker. I used to worry that one incident could send her reeling for days--and always with the looming fear that she'd do something harmful in retaliation. Now, if she forgets to put her shoes away I can tell her and it's no big deal.  So, after we...

 Gonna make this short as it's been a long, emotionally exhausting couple of days. In summary: while I was flying high thinking life was great, Jane was using every moment I was out of the house to do a whole series of small, destructive things.  It all came out yesterday. I spanked her. Now we're in the long rebuilding phase that feels more demoralizing every single time we have to go back to square one in rebuilding trust with her.  Important take aways from the therapist: There are two core truths or beliefs we adults dealing with traumatized children have to keep in mind always. 1) She believes she is a bad person. She feels shame for being rejected by her parents. Something must be wrong with her at her core for her own mother to reject her. 2) Like everyone else, she wants to do good and be in a positive relationship with others.  That's the constant push-pull. That's the whiplash for why she does shitty things even in the midst of having a good week.  Res...