Foster Further

We're two weeks into the Keep-Your-Panties-Dry Incentive and New Bedtime Routine. Exciting times around our house. Kate completely regressed about a month ago to wetting herself all day long. Could hardly go three hours. Doc recommended medicines and OTC remedies didn't work. It was becoming an area of anxiety for her. I think she actually began peeing herself out of fear when she thought she might've peed herself but hadn't yet...bizarro situations she couldn't unravel at 2.5. So, back to diapers full time but with these caveats: a) I ask her every morning if she wants diapers or underwear and honor her choice (she's relieved to be able to choose diapers but once did choose underwear). b) I prompt her to use the potty regularly. She pees in it about four times a day but still has a soaked diaper inbetween. She always poops in the potty, thank god. On the day that I told Kate she could go back to diapers Jane was standing there and I watched this animali...

Today was better. Kids felt calmer. I think being at the cottage with Grandma for 3 days really disturbed Jane's equilibrium...but I also think that she has resettled quicker than she once would've been able to. One small, but HUGE thing happened this morning. Jane rode all the way to church and back, 20 min drive each way, without any singing. I know I sound like a curmudgeon but I have to clarify that it isn't really singing. It's toneless, mindless, repetitious droning of the same few syllables for miles and miles and miles. Even the therapist said it'd drive her batty when I demonstrated it for her once. I'm guessing that Jane rode in cars where the radio was blasting all the time. I'm guessing that no one ever spoke with her as she rode. I'm guessing that, in her need to orally process every single thing, and witnessing that she talks to herself endlessly while playing, the lull of the moving car reduced her to one sing-song phrase as she tried ...

Something shifted on Saturday. We are in a new stage I cannot yet name. (I'm sure it's in a book somewhere but it is really, really hard to read books about trauma when you are living with trauma even though obviously that's the key time to read those books. I know, I know.) But, back to this shift in Jane...Theo and I took a trip out of town Wed-Fri while my mom came to stay with the kids. (There was a great conference but also we just needed some time alone. I've never felt so depleted in my life as I have these past few months. So, we got a fancy hotel, ordered room service and/or slept every moment we weren't at the conference. Best thing we've ever done for ourselves and our marriage. Self-care is no joke, people. It's mandatory.) I'd made a picture calendar and showed it to the girls a few days before we left and together we'd crossed out the days while I answered their questions but, still, I knew they'd be upset that we were gone....