Foster Further

This is the letter I just sent to the girls' court-appointed lawyer, their Guardian ad Litem, who represents their interests in this case. Dear Mr. (lawyer's name),  I am writing to you to ask for your help in completing the adoption of (real names and birthdates). On November 25th MCI approved our adoption of the girls. We believed the paperwork would go to the judge sometime in the next week and the adoption would be finalized within a few days.  On November 26th staff from our foster care agency, (name of agency), came to our house for a Family Team Meeting to wrap up paperwork. The staff was late, we were in the midst of packing for a trip out of state for Thanksgiving, and I was impatient with yet another example of their ongoing unprofessional behavior. I asked them to wrap up the meeting as quickly as possible. They left at 4:15. At 5:00 I received an email saying a Special Evaluation had been opened on our family. The reason was that (Kate) had missed a 30-...

From the last post of feeling so good, feeling so in love with my little girls, feeling so at peace and happy with the world...we come to today. Today I am frightened, threatened, angry, frustrated. Awhile ago Kate was supposed to have a 30 month well child checkup. When the social worker told me about this I totally blew it off. I figured by the time they'd get around to caring the adoption would be final and we could skate by. I made this decision not on my own but when I took her in for her flu shot and the nurse told me that she's up to date on all her shots. I asked them about a 30 month checkup and they looked at me funny and said, uh, nobody does that anymore. Okay, if the doctor's office says it isn't needed then I'm not about to pitch a fit trying to make them do something they can't even bill for. Last Monday the state's official adoption agency okayed the adoption. But, there was a delay in taking that paperwork to the judge because the subs...

I have read that the best way to stop being angry at someone is to pray for them. It's excellent advice. I've used it before and found it to be a humbling and calming experience. Today is, maybe, the last visit by social workers. I say maybe because they said this for the past two months and then, oh wait, we screwed up the paperwork, now you're still in limbo, we need to visit again next month. The house is clean; the children have been warned. I'm ready. Except for the little issue of my anger that incompetent, stupid people who've harmed and stressed my family in the past are coming to evaluate me sometime today. (Oh, it's an "unannounced" visit this month so I'm supposed to sit around today and tomorrow and wait--it's worse than waiting for the cable guy.) I woke up early today after barely sleeping last night. Went downstairs to a quiet house and made myself a cup of coffee and tried to pray. "Dear God, please help Kyra not me...

Got a call a few days ago with the results of the Special Investigation. a) we were found to be, "not out of compliance" with the charge of using corporal punishment. b) I was found to be, "out of compliance" by listening in on the private conversation between the social worker and the girls--which they knew about because I blatantly told them I listened in and that's how I knew precisely how the dimwits had questioned the girls to lead them into making false charges.  My punishment? I had to sign a paper saying I'd reviewed the rule saying those conversations were private. Uhm, okay, I'll sign a paper saying I read a rule. Wow, I'm so chastised for my dangerous, evil ways. Thanks for protecting the vulnerable children in your care. Gotta love the phrasing of, "not out of compliance". Bureaucrats with egg on their face are not gonna say, "you're innocent" or "we were wrong". Nope. Not gonna happen. So, it...

A few weeks ago I wrote about two major stressors in our home--incompetent house painters dragging out a job while also making our yard a danger zone for playing kids; and young, inexperienced social workers who thought they'd uncovered something happening that isn't allowed by the state (spanking) which launched a Special Investigation. It's been a very long couple of weeks. I did ask the house painters to make some changes that they agreed to and it helped. They, supposedly, entered the final touch-ups three days ago. It was only, "a few hours work" three days ago and they've put in three more 6-8 hour days and still aren't done. They've packed up and then brought back all their ladders and equipment three times in three days. Because that's the kind of highly efficient, highly organized dweebs these guys are. Enough of them. I don't even care anymore. They'll be gone by October...I think. And today the big Special Investigation beg...

I keep having these imaginary conversations in my head. Outwardly I'm driving or cleaning or folding laundry but inside I'm screaming, ranting, finger-wagging, castigating. Making that perfect point that puts my imaginary listener in his/her place. Makes them widen their eyes and take a step back before bowing their head and walking away, out of my life, forever. Why do we do this? I get in this state when there are too many things coming at me at once. I suppose I'm fantasizing that if only I'd responded perfectly the first time then those stressors would've gone away forever. Or maybe I'm just wanting them to feel the pain that now I'm suffering due to their stupidity. I never said I was a saint. Or maybe this endless replay of past events is akin to why we worry about future events. If I can just rehearse and rehearse until the grooves are worn smooth in my brain then I'll be prepared for next time... Here are the additional stressors that hav...

Let me start by saying that in my professional and personal life I've known lots of social workers and some of them are the smartest, wisest, most insightful people I've ever met. Several are the kind of person I hope I grow up to be someday. A good friend of mine, who is a social worker, got a full ride to college and probably could've gone into any degree area she wanted to pursue. So, lots of smart social workers out there...just not the ones we have. Our adoption social worker called yesterday for this purpose: SW: what's your monthly income me: didn't we put our yearly income on X form (I can picture it in my head) SW: yes, but I need the monthly income pause  me wondering, will she figure this out? nope. me: couldn't you just divide the yearly income by twelve to get a monthly income? lengthy pause SW: (still thinking hard, trying to puzzle her way through this complex math problem) yeah...I guess...I think that would work...okay! It worked! ...

This is the email I just got from our Adoption social worker: Listed are the items I need from you, -           Fingerprinting -           Local clearance form for you -           Alternate caregiver form -           Family assessment questionnaire -           Utility bill -           Verification of income -           Your health insurance card -           Car payment statement -           Car insurance statements -           Mortgage/rent statement -      ...

Just had our first meeting with the Adoption social worker. Who is different than the Foster Care social worker; who is different still from our Licensing social worker. So, this is the third social worker making visits to our home now. Guess what she brought? Paperwork. Guess what she said before she gave me Every. Single. Form. "This is really hard to fill out...it's so confusing...I don't know why...Call me if you have any questions...I guess they changed it...It's really confusing...It's so hard...I don't know why..." She did not know how to fill out a single form. So, why exactly, will I be calling you for help in the future if you're utterly confused about the form right now??? What magic knowledge will you acquire between then and now--short of learning how to do your job which you clearly didn't bother to learn before coming to my home in the first place??? I'm just gonna say (and I know I'm being bitchy and this is not univ...