Foster Further

 I really should just change the title of this blog to The Jane Show, shouldn't I? She's the only one I need to write about anymore.  Everything, and every one, else is doing so good right now. I'm happier than I've been in a very long time. For some reason, over this last month I have just felt the anger melting away. Anger I didn't understand, didn't know where it came from or why, anger I couldn't control. It's gone. I'm quiet and calm even when one of them breaks the TV and the other messes with my computer.  Kate is in one of those adorable phases. She flipped the switch from 3 and stubborn to 3 and sweet and it's just so much fun. She is cute and funny and says those things that make adults smile all the time. She's happy and affectionate and just...normal. Completely and utterly normal.  James is also growing in all good ways. Suddenly his vocabulary has blossomed and he's developing a sense of humor. He's full of jokes and bur

 The man who dated the girls' grandma for a couple years and became a part of their lives for about a year (he would keep them every weekend so that the other grandma, who had temporary custody for 7 months, could get drunk every weekend in peace) has contacted me again this week.  Last year we went to his house at Thanksgiving, trying to do the right thing by maintaining contact with birth family and people from the girls' past. This man also invited the girls' aunt and their cousins and they were thrilled to see them. It felt like a nice day.  A week later I decided to learn more about him so I stalked his FB page. Oh lordy. The man is a nut job. He reposts endless memes on pretty much just three topics in this pattern: Pro-NRA, Vitriolic Hatred toward Democrats, Bible Verse. And then, right in the middle of this endless pattern--pictures of my girls that we took that day.  And then all the comments from all the people saying, "You're such a wonderful grandpa! Th

 Every year I get a Christmas tree ornament for each child to reflect some milestone in their life. Since the adoption was finalized last February, I suppose this is the year to celebrate that.  I don't want to.  I think my initial reluctance is because the adoption is something that happened TO them, it's not a milestone they earned. I get ornaments to celebrate learning to read, or joining marching band, for example. Although, of course there are ornaments for things that happened to a kid, such as starting Kindergarten, or getting a pet.  But, still, I'm aware of the grief behind adoption for Jane. I think Kate would only see it as joyful, though. But, in the future, should there always be this tangible sign of them being different every year when we decorate the tree?  I did go back and buy ornaments for all their Christmases before they came to us because I wanted to celebrate every year of their life, as the ornaments are intended to do, and because I didn't want

Today I renewed the Sensory Path I implemented last winter for Jane. It'd gotten neglected over the summer when I could just send her out to the trampoline and to play in the backyard to meet her physical needs.  Today I redid all the station prompts (pages with clip art images on them so she can remember what to do without reading). I eliminated some things that were no longer available and added a few new ones. There are five pages of prompts--each a different kind of movement--placed in 3 different rooms.  Why did I do this today? Because she came to talk to me, and stood there talking to me for a good five minutes, with something in her mouth. I finally asked her what it was and only then did she become aware and then, ashamed. It was a toenail. She was sucking on her toenail that she'd just chewed off her foot.  I can't even begin to explain how gross this girl is sometimes. It's like she reverts to an animalistic state when unsupervised for too long. Lately she

 I like to think it's a sign of healing that I'm beginning to get my sense of humor back. It's been two long years but I'm finally, finally, starting to feel more relaxed and fun around my younger kids. One thing that's helping is finally really discussing what I see with my husband. Cuz look! He just discovered there's a problem! Coincidentally, that discovery came after spending more time with a certain someone! What a surprise that enforced proximity has led to new awareness! Maybe two years of being the prime (sole) caregiver led me to make observations not available to those spending less than 5 minutes a day with certain someone. Maybe I was right all along and while dismissing all my complaints sure was convenient, it didn't actually help! Well, now I've gone past humor and into snarky. I apologize.  I truly am grateful my, "I'm leaving home until you decide to parent ALL the children" stunt last summer paid off. Only 3 days gone an

This week's theme is...jealousy!  It's here! It's there! It's everywhere!  Can you be jealous of a sock?  Can you be jealous of a rock?  Can you be jealous of your brother and your sister and your father and your mother?  Yes! Yes, you can!  You can be jealous here and there and everywhere!  You can...drive your mother bat shit crazy with your incessant, unceasing, unrelenting, whining and crying and whinging and pouting every moment of the live long day. She is never, ever grateful. She is always, always wanting more. On the car ride home from school she starts telling me that other kids at school have little stuffed animal toys clipped to their backpacks but she has nothing clipped to her backpack.  I wait till we get home. I wait till we're alone and I gave her a favorite snack to eat so our chat can feel special and cozy and non-judgmental. I explain things simply: other people will always have things we don't have. We can never buy enough things to make us