Foster Further

 I'm puzzled by what I've just observed and so I'm going to record my observations here to try to work out what happened.  1. Today is Tues. It's the 5th of a 5 day stretch at home for Kate (regular Fri off school, then 3 day weekend plus a snow day). Very cold weather and storms so we haven't left the house. 2. Last week was a turbulent school week--special dress up days, Valentine's Day parties/crafts/activities, half-day schedule, etc. 3. Last week there was a lot of talk of "love" due to Valentine's Day. 4. Last week both girls seemed pissy, irritable, hyper, jealous, cranky when playing with each other, etc. 5. Six days ago Kate began pooping in her underwear. Filling them with poop. Sometimes she'd finish pooping on the toilet, sometimes she told me she only pooped in her underwear and never went on the toilet--just kept on playing. She did this every day for 5 out of 6 days.  6. Six days ago I discovered what was happening when I did the...

This morning I had to go to the middle school to pick up items from Gus's locker. The school had cleaned out every child's locker and parents were asked to do a pickup while they returned other items such as band uniforms. Parents were instructed to stay in their cars, make a sign with their kids' name and tape it to the window, roll down windows to exchange but don't make contact, etc. Very well organized. I fought tears the whole time. Everything outside of the house makes me cry these days. All these safety protocols in the grocery store. They set off this urge to wail like a frightened child. Of course I don't. I don't show a single reaction whatsoever--but deep inside I'm totally panicked. So, seeing the school principal and secretary (6 years of kids in this building and I know them well) in masks and gloves and I just wanted to break down and weep. It's so scary and real in ways that a media website's charts and graphics just can't be. ...

Got the kids up early today and headed in for second phase of acclimating to preschool: mom leaving! On the drive there I prepped them all. Showed them the big tub of cookies they'd get to pick from when they got back in the car. Talked about all the fun they had yesterday. Cheered and whoo-hooed our way into the building. ...and it worked! James went right in with no tears. The girls were instantly mingling with their "friends". Very peaceful and smooth. I grocery shopped without kids--a miracle! Got done in half the time as I've completely lost all ability to estimate how long errands should take without toddler delays anymore. Went to pick them up and, another miracle, they were all happy to leave! No tears! No chaos! I swear this preschool teacher, who has been a preschool teacher for 21 years, is an actual saint. She has this lovely calm-but-firm demeanor that just makes kids instantly comply with her every request without even the thought of protest. A...

We are approaching the end of the hardest year our family has endured since, well, it's very first one. (In our first year of marriage Theo and I coped with the death of his mother a week before our wedding; an unplanned, high-risk pregnancy; two moves; and struggling to live on one salary that didn't cover both rent and groceries. Besides being newly married and having no clue how to actually live together. Really nothing we'll ever face will be harder than that year. Honestly.) But, back to present day. Things are winding down. 1) The house painters are gone. Eight days of "final touch-ups that will just take a few hours". Eight days of watching them patch a spot sloppily with putty so the putty got on the green trim. Then repainting the green trim to cover the putty. Then repainting the yellow house paint where they slopped the green trim paint. True story. Now multiply by every inch of a two-story house with a porch, chimney, and 19 windows and three ext...

So I wasn't crazy and something abnormal is really happening with Jane. She was screened by a neurologist at our local university's hospital today and after looking at some videos I'd recorded of what looked like seizure-behavior to me, he referred her for an EEG and an MRI. Oooh, boy. The one-hour EEG is this Friday. He said it takes about 48 hours to hear results of an EEG. He did not see overt signs of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. He did want to do genetic testing to look for a chromosomal disorder. And he also ordered the MRI just to look at all kinds of things, including more mild forms of FAS that may not result in physical characteristics. On one hand we want definitive results after all this testing, but on the other hand nobody is wishing anything upon her. And...the foster care lens. I saw this so many times when working with parents as a special ed teacher. I could give biological parents or foster/adoptive parents the exact same news and the reactions would...

When I posted this picture on FB I explained the events in a few short sentences. And got the expected hahas and wows. But the real story is so much longer...and more wonderful...and weird. Briefly, here's all that happened. Jane has been a bit off since the family visit three days ago: less cheerful and starting to be sneaky in ways I've never seen before. Basically, there have been a few too many opportunities to teach why it's much worse to lie when confronted than just fess up right away.  Today as I walked into the playroom she jumped up and bolted out the other door guiltily. I called her back but she wouldn't say why she'd run. I reminded her punishments were worse if she lied and then sent her to the couch to think about what she wanted to tell me. A few minutes later she came to me and said, "I don't get in trouble if I tell the truth, right?" I nodded and then she said, "There's something in my nose. I think it's a...

I feel the need to document how the girls acted after our return because I feel their behavior is indicative of so many important things: how they cope with and recover from the stress of change, how they manage grief, and how bonded to us they truly are. First, I've noticed that Jane becomes constipated any time she experiences interpersonal, relational stress. She would withhold bowel movements after every family visit, for example. So, it was no surprise to me that she quit having BMs about three days before we left on our trip when I first showed her the calendar I'd made showing when we'd leave and when we'd return. And, my mom reported that she had to resort to feeding prunes to help Jane go while we were gone. The first day we got back Jane was happy to see us with pretty typical 3-yr-old behaviors. Then, the second day she sought me out and began talking. We'd already done a script about care-giving with meals used to convey love and care the day before....