We are approaching the end of the hardest year our family has endured since, well, it's very first one.
(In our first year of marriage Theo and I coped with the death of his mother a week before our wedding; an unplanned, high-risk pregnancy; two moves; and struggling to live on one salary that didn't cover both rent and groceries. Besides being newly married and having no clue how to actually live together. Really nothing we'll ever face will be harder than that year. Honestly.)
But, back to present day. Things are winding down.
1) The house painters are gone. Eight days of "final touch-ups that will just take a few hours". Eight days of watching them patch a spot sloppily with putty so the putty got on the green trim. Then repainting the green trim to cover the putty. Then repainting the yellow house paint where they slopped the green trim paint. True story. Now multiply by every inch of a two-story house with a porch, chimney, and 19 windows and three exterior doors each with old-fashioned trim or shutters or both. So, the 3 week job actually took 9 weeks. And they only possibly poisoned the dog once when she laid in some paint and then licked it off herself. Shockingly, the men who left tools all over my yard and could not remember to latch the gates did not, actually, injure any of the three toddlers living here. So, there's that to be grateful for.
2) Jane's final neurologists' appt went well. He agreed with what I've been seeing and has diagnosed her with two new things to fully capture the picture of her needs.
a) Sensory Integration Disorder--sensory seeking. She'll begin seeing an Occupational Therapist who I hope will give me more tools and ideas for how to help her cope when she becomes disregulated.
b) Psychogenic Conversion Disorder. This conveys that there is significant enough trauma in her past that when she becomes extremely physically exhausted her brain can "short-circuit" and cause a neurological episode kinda like a seizure except it is not a seizure. She does not have epilepsy. She does not need medication. Talk therapy that's addressing her past trauma should be all she needs. And we already see a good therapist once a week who specializes in foster care/adoption and has been very helpful and insightful.
Incidentally, Kate's reaction to extremely upsetting emotions (fear/anger) of holding her breath till she passes out is also decreasing. She just did it a few moments ago because I walked in on her being extremely naughty with an object she knows she isn't allowed to touch and sent her to bed 20 minutes early as a consequence. Going up the stairs I knew she was going to pass out so I was right there and had a hand ready and guided her to laying down as she passed out. I then stood over her, stern-faced, and quietly directed her to continue on up the stairs and to her bed when she came to (a few seconds later). After months and months of coddling and comforting her through these episodes I've learned that giving them as little power as possible, reacting with no drama but also no sympathy, has brought them almost completely to an end. She's now doing them about once every two weeks instead of 2-3 times a day at her worst point.
I mention this because passing out seems like another kind of a "neurological short-circuit" similar to Jane's episodes. Having such strong emotions that you stop breathing is a pretty big reaction to simple things all toddlers have to face, like, getting punished for stealing a sibling's toy. So, her learning to cope with those big feelings in a more healthy way seems like a step towards her healing from her own past trauma.
3) There is nothing more for us to do, as far as paperwork, for the adoption to be finalized. It's just a matter of the agency submitting the final report and then the state-level agency approving it and sending it to the judge for her signature. I'm told it's taking 30-40 days from submission. So, another few weeks to wrap up their report, then...maybe finalization by early to mid-November? They came to us on November 30, 2018. I'm pretty sure they'll be adopted before reaching that one year anniversary date. It's hard to believe how fast this has gone.
It seems weirdly appropriate that this feeling of conclusion is happening right when summer is ending and the harvest year is also wrapping up. I'm ready to huddle down for the winter and mother my babes.
(In our first year of marriage Theo and I coped with the death of his mother a week before our wedding; an unplanned, high-risk pregnancy; two moves; and struggling to live on one salary that didn't cover both rent and groceries. Besides being newly married and having no clue how to actually live together. Really nothing we'll ever face will be harder than that year. Honestly.)
But, back to present day. Things are winding down.
1) The house painters are gone. Eight days of "final touch-ups that will just take a few hours". Eight days of watching them patch a spot sloppily with putty so the putty got on the green trim. Then repainting the green trim to cover the putty. Then repainting the yellow house paint where they slopped the green trim paint. True story. Now multiply by every inch of a two-story house with a porch, chimney, and 19 windows and three exterior doors each with old-fashioned trim or shutters or both. So, the 3 week job actually took 9 weeks. And they only possibly poisoned the dog once when she laid in some paint and then licked it off herself. Shockingly, the men who left tools all over my yard and could not remember to latch the gates did not, actually, injure any of the three toddlers living here. So, there's that to be grateful for.
2) Jane's final neurologists' appt went well. He agreed with what I've been seeing and has diagnosed her with two new things to fully capture the picture of her needs.
a) Sensory Integration Disorder--sensory seeking. She'll begin seeing an Occupational Therapist who I hope will give me more tools and ideas for how to help her cope when she becomes disregulated.
b) Psychogenic Conversion Disorder. This conveys that there is significant enough trauma in her past that when she becomes extremely physically exhausted her brain can "short-circuit" and cause a neurological episode kinda like a seizure except it is not a seizure. She does not have epilepsy. She does not need medication. Talk therapy that's addressing her past trauma should be all she needs. And we already see a good therapist once a week who specializes in foster care/adoption and has been very helpful and insightful.
Incidentally, Kate's reaction to extremely upsetting emotions (fear/anger) of holding her breath till she passes out is also decreasing. She just did it a few moments ago because I walked in on her being extremely naughty with an object she knows she isn't allowed to touch and sent her to bed 20 minutes early as a consequence. Going up the stairs I knew she was going to pass out so I was right there and had a hand ready and guided her to laying down as she passed out. I then stood over her, stern-faced, and quietly directed her to continue on up the stairs and to her bed when she came to (a few seconds later). After months and months of coddling and comforting her through these episodes I've learned that giving them as little power as possible, reacting with no drama but also no sympathy, has brought them almost completely to an end. She's now doing them about once every two weeks instead of 2-3 times a day at her worst point.
I mention this because passing out seems like another kind of a "neurological short-circuit" similar to Jane's episodes. Having such strong emotions that you stop breathing is a pretty big reaction to simple things all toddlers have to face, like, getting punished for stealing a sibling's toy. So, her learning to cope with those big feelings in a more healthy way seems like a step towards her healing from her own past trauma.
3) There is nothing more for us to do, as far as paperwork, for the adoption to be finalized. It's just a matter of the agency submitting the final report and then the state-level agency approving it and sending it to the judge for her signature. I'm told it's taking 30-40 days from submission. So, another few weeks to wrap up their report, then...maybe finalization by early to mid-November? They came to us on November 30, 2018. I'm pretty sure they'll be adopted before reaching that one year anniversary date. It's hard to believe how fast this has gone.
It seems weirdly appropriate that this feeling of conclusion is happening right when summer is ending and the harvest year is also wrapping up. I'm ready to huddle down for the winter and mother my babes.
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