Foster Further

 Eight days after the dentist cemented in a metal spacer that was meant to stay in until she was 12 or 13, Jane pulled it out. She confessed she'd been getting a fork whenever nobody was looking and trying to pry it out. I'd found her doing that 24 hrs after it was put in and she got in big, big trouble and I thought it was over. Nope. She was mad, she told me, that I told her it had to stay in. She cried, hard and genuine tears, about how much she hated the feel of this strange metal thing in her mouth. She said her tongue hurt all the time because she couldn't stop bumping her tongue against it (it ran all along the inside of her bottom teeth). All of these complaints are normal. Expected. If any of our other children would've had that apparatus in their mouth there would've been nonstop crying and tantruming. We would've been in hell addressing the issues nonstop for days. Not her. She never said a word. I truly believed everything was fine. She did not ask o

  This morning Jane had her third dentist appt. They had to insert a spacer. It was painful. She's gone every 2 weeks for a total of 3 trips now. After the first two trips I could see she'd been crying (they don't allow parents back there) when she came out to me. I mentioned it and gave her a hug but she shrugged it off; wouldn't talk about being upset. On the car ride home she plays frenetically with the trinkets they give the kids, while baby-talking, till she breaks them. On the way home from today's visit I knew she had to be in pain since they'd told me she would be. I asked something along the lines of, "does it hurt?" and she denied it. So, I rephrased. "Jane, I noticed you are baby-talking. I wonder if you're doing that because you want comfort and attention from me after this scary thing just happened to you?" She said yes and started to cry! (to my surprise; it was a radical 180 switch in her behavior from loud/silly/play to re

 It's been an awful weekend as a culmination of a terrible two weeks. Jane lost all her Halloween candy one week after Halloween for sneaking food. That seemed to have broken the good streak and sent her on an angry spiral.  She is starting to tell us more when we confront her about her behavior. More anger and grief about being adopted. Just admitting that is new--she'd always deny any feelings of loss when I brought it up before.  As I type this she's seated on the floor of my bedroom just out of sight (because I can't stand to have her staring at me) but still in the same room I'm in because she won't even stay in her room or the attic playroom when told to anymore. It used to be if I needed to isolate her I could trust her to stay. Now that's gone, too. This morning she snuck out of her room, got a cat, and then was physically abusing the cat. I happened to go in her room for some other reason and the cat made a beeline out, which clued me in.  I kinda l