Foster Further

We're barely even into this thing and people are already writing advise articles and inspirational memes about how not to lose the great lessons we are learning from the nationwide self-quarantine. (Proving that Americans really can't concentrate on anything for more than 5 minutes.) But, I wouldn't be your average middle aged, middle class, moderately educated American woman if I didn't stop and consider the inspirational meme in order to feel guilty about whether I was, in fact, learning something profound from this experience. That's why these memes exist, after all. For maximum guilt with minimum accuracy. So most of them say something about how after this we should continue to spend time with our families and avoid going back to our hyper-busy lives. I spent a moment really pondering this. Is this quarantine teaching us to spend more time with our kids? Are we now spending better quality time as a family? Am I fundamentally changed as a mother? NOOO! ...

In the adoption world the case is made that any birth family, even very poor families with limited education and resources, make a better home for a child than an adoptive, wealthy, educated family because love and heritage are more important than all that money can buy. Not denying that there's some truth to this. It's why we believe we should maintain connections with our girls' birth family to whatever extent is healthy for them. But it's not really true, either. During this shutdown due to the coronavirus I keep looking around at all we can provide for the girls even during times of, literally, societal breakdown. Even with schools shut down we can still comfortably feed our children. Our education level means we have the kinds of jobs that can be done remotely from home and we won't suffer the loss of paycheck. We are wealthy enough to have a disposable income. We comfortably bought an extra month's worth of groceries and purchased unbudgeted extras...

Wow, what a weird time. The kids did their fourth day of preschool phase-in on Thursday. It was a full day, they had lunch there for the first time, and when I picked them up at 3:00 they were exhausted. Tired, grumpy kids. School was already scheduled not to meet on Fri because the teachers had a training. Then we found out Fri morning that schools would be shut down to slow the spread of the coronavirus. So....no preschool. Huh. I don't know what to think. I found out Fri that I'll be starting my new job Mon but also working from home, as is Theo, for the next few weeks. I'm dreading trying to re-phase them in all over again four weeks from now. What a crazy time.

But, first, Gus is supposed to be making family dinners now that I'm headed back to work. Tonight's exciting entree was ramen noodles, after past exciting entrees of spaghetti and mac-n-cheese. He also did some fancy math to try to convince me every serving of ramen contains 24 grams of protein to meet my "every meal must have protein and a veg" mandate. No, son, cooking up four packets so the pot has 24 grams does not mean each person consumes 24 grams, nice try. Besides, ramen packets? Actual protein in that powder? Hmm, I'm skeptical. The best part of the meal was teaching Kate to say "ramen", though: Wobin? Mah-ben? Amen? She finally gave up, stared at her bowl and said: "It good! I yike it!"  So, day 3 of preschool. On Wednesdays they start the day with a 45 minute Mass. Serious flashbacks to my days in a Christian school when we had chapel every Wednesday. Except we didn't have to go to chapel until we were in 6th grade. Mass is...

Got the kids up early today and headed in for second phase of acclimating to preschool: mom leaving! On the drive there I prepped them all. Showed them the big tub of cookies they'd get to pick from when they got back in the car. Talked about all the fun they had yesterday. Cheered and whoo-hooed our way into the building. ...and it worked! James went right in with no tears. The girls were instantly mingling with their "friends". Very peaceful and smooth. I grocery shopped without kids--a miracle! Got done in half the time as I've completely lost all ability to estimate how long errands should take without toddler delays anymore. Went to pick them up and, another miracle, they were all happy to leave! No tears! No chaos! I swear this preschool teacher, who has been a preschool teacher for 21 years, is an actual saint. She has this lovely calm-but-firm demeanor that just makes kids instantly comply with her every request without even the thought of protest. A...

This week I'm slowing phasing in the three littles to a real preschool (vs. the little homeschool preschool I've been doing). Today we visited for an hour, with me staying with the kids. When we arrived we brought a gift to the secretary and each kid had a gift book in their backpack to present to the classroom. That went well. My kids love to give gifts and it made a smooth transition into the room. Then it was time to join centers. James had cried all the way from the car into the school, saying "preschool was scary" so he was hiding behind my legs at first. Then the teacher lured him off in hunt of animals and they found a tub of figurines. He happily sat on a rug lining up each animal after first showing it to me and asking me to name it. I sat in a chair a little ways away and tried not to only focus on him so he wouldn't expect nonstop mommy attention but felt safe all the same. Jane was gone. I looked up and she was fully immersed with kids at a cente...

This week starts with losing an hour to the time change, has a full moon in it, and ends with Friday the 13th. It's also the week my three littles start "real" preschool for the very first time in their life. Not one of them has spent a minute in a school setting before but they'll need to be full time by Friday. Hah! P.S. I got a job. I resigned from teaching a year ago to be home with the girls and now it's time to go back. I found an online teaching job that, let's be honest, isn't real education in the truest sense, but it does give me the flexibility in scheduling that our family needs. So, the littles go to real preschool now, not my little homeschool version. On the week with a time change and a full moon. Oh lordy. Because I know how hard it is to add a new kid to the class, let alone THREE at once, I have already prepared gifts for the classroom teacher and the secretary and we are planning to make a nice, fat donation to the school. At one ti...

In the week after the adoption was finalized I first called Aunt (Grandma's sister, though much younger so closer to my age) and told her about it. She had some tears and big emotions and it was a long, draining phone call but one of those good-draining experiences where you hang up knowing you've shared something important and are closer to that person for it. That same week I scheduled a visit with Grandma and gave her a letter Theo and I had written about a month before and honed over time to be as kind but clear as possible about our boundaries and plans now that the girls were officially our daughters. I chose a letter for Grandma because she is scatter-brained in conversation and avoids any difficult topic like the plague. I knew she wouldn't really "hear" me if I tried to talk to her initially (it's also a pattern for her to "not hear" any information she doesn't want to have to follow later). But, I both began and ended the letter wit...