Skip to main content

The Bell

 I just installed a bell on her door. Loud and high and hung to be easily rung. 

She told me that she regularly (2 out of 3 nights) sneaks out of her room to eavesdrop on us talking so she knows what's coming so she, "can plan to do naughty things". I am quoting her. 

She's a sociopath. She is, right? What six yr old is so enthralled with being devious that they lay awake and plan for it?

This is why I have no hope for a normal future. 

Everything happened so clearly. Tues - visit with therapist; good. Wed-Sat - still good. Hugs and happiness all day long. Sunday - surprise call by Aunt I didn't have time to prep her for but that I naively thought might be okay since she was doing so well. Mon-Wed - baby talking; little lies; hyper vigilant and tense. I could feel the slow slide into abnormal starting. Wed night - sneaking out of her room; really defiant. Thur - lies and getting caught doing something naughty (she let the dog eat food that caused the dog to vomit, then lied). 

This is her cycle. All good and then...baby talking, isolating herself from the others, just being annoying in a million subtle ways that puts everyone on edge. I've come to see this as a major alert. It's unconscious, I truly do think. She's in an altered state of mind when she starts the baby talking. She's in a whole other mood. 

I seriously think she's bi-polar and slipping between totally different personalities. She never stutters when she baby talks. She stutters a lot when she's facing consequences. She talks normally in between these two phases. 

So, a bell on her door. And an explanation that it'll stay on there until we can trust her again. (so, in short, it's never coming off)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Separation for Me

 One more note about yesterday. I noticed that when the girls were acting up yesterday I truly was not angry. I felt back in my old EI teacher groove where I could calmly observe and reflect to a student but never feel personally involved in the drama. It felt so nice! The equilibriam I was famous for when teaching but that I've struggled to find in my own home.  Being away was so good for me. Thinking other thoughts; being competent around other smart people. Life affirming to me as a human, not just the mother-drone trapped in a small house doing small things repeatedly all day long.  I absolutely have to have professional level conversation and interactions to maintain my sanity. Essential.
Post a Comment
Read more

Inaugural Post

I think I need to write a blog. I keep searching for good blogs about foster care and none are exactly what I'm looking for. I need to read the work of deeply thinking people who are wrestling with the realities of opening their homes to strangers. But please be funny, too. And, mostly, I need to hear from people whose agenda does not include evangelizing--neither the Christian faith nor the lesbian lifestyle. I respect you both, but I'd rather just hear about the kids, thanks. So, here's the background info I'm always curious about when people provide a peek into their homes. Because context is everything. I'm Beth*. My husband, Theo, and I have been married for 17 years. We have three sons: Seth (16), Gus (12), and James (3). On November 30, 2018, we had two foster girls, Jane (3) and Kate (1) placed in our home. This is our first foster care placement. We are open to both fostering and adoption. (*All names are pseudonyms.) We live in the middle of the mi
Post a Comment
Read more

Getting There

Today was better. Kids felt calmer. I think being at the cottage with Grandma for 3 days really disturbed Jane's equilibrium...but I also think that she has resettled quicker than she once would've been able to. One small, but HUGE thing happened this morning. Jane rode all the way to church and back, 20 min drive each way, without any singing. I know I sound like a curmudgeon but I have to clarify that it isn't really singing. It's toneless, mindless, repetitious droning of the same few syllables for miles and miles and miles. Even the therapist said it'd drive her batty when I demonstrated it for her once. I'm guessing that Jane rode in cars where the radio was blasting all the time. I'm guessing that no one ever spoke with her as she rode. I'm guessing that, in her need to orally process every single thing, and witnessing that she talks to herself endlessly while playing, the lull of the moving car reduced her to one sing-song phrase as she tried
Post a Comment
Read more