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It Worked?

 After two trips to Goodwill to give away her favorite toys the message might have sunk in that we will no longer tolerate any lying. 

Today felt like tip-toeing around each other. I am extremely careful not to ask her any question I don't already know the answer to. I cannot let her get away with a lie. I also just don't want her to lie. 

She seems equally wary of me. But also--a little happy. First thing this morning she said she wanted to have a good day (which is her code for I'm going to behave today). 

About mid-morning I was mildly curious about why the cover I normally keep on their bench that they sit on when at the table was tucked oddly. I called all three kids over and, carefully not looking at her, I asked if anyone could, "tell me the story about this sheet" with a big smile on my face. Carefully conveying this was No Big Deal. 

I was prepared to drop it if no one spoke up. No inquisition--not worth it. 

But, to my surprise, she piped right up and said she'd done that. She explained how she thought she was helping. I explained how the sheet actually needed to be placed to protect the bench from spills. Then, it was over. A normal conversation! No stupid lying!

Of course, I did then go a bit over the top in praising her for telling the truth. I kept pointing out how helpful it was that she could explain what she'd done so then I could show them all the right way to place the cover. Later, at dinner time I made a point of telling the story of how she told the truth to the whole family including daddy. She beamed and beamed. Then came out to the kitchen after dinner and gave me a big hug and smiled and said how much she liked telling the truth.

The only thing that was weird was that we had to make such a big deal about such a simple thing. Imagine a child acting like they'd be flogged for tucking in a sheet wrong, so then lying about it. Imagine how exhausting it would be to live with someone who lied about stupid stuff all day long so that you could never just show them how to tuck in the sheet without having to manage all the emotions first. 

So, one day of success. One day when she seems very aware of the benefits of telling the truth and is very happy with herself. Can she learn a new way to live? We'll see. 

At bedtime I went over our litany:

me: You are mine. You are my daughter and I expect you to tell the truth.

her: I am your daughter and I am going to tell the truth. 

I plan to do this with her at least once a day every day. Jane has no self identity. So, I'm going to intentionally and explicitly give her one. And that identity is of a truth-telling daughter in our home. 

So help me, God. 

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