Both girls have always bitten their nails. I haven't focused on it because I was hoping they'd grow out of it with time. And besides, who needs another battle?
The only thing I did was offer a reward. I'd paint their nails and have a fun "spa day" if their nails grew enough that I could see white on each fingernail. It's only happened twice in two years and only when I was doing lots of encouraging each day.
Recently, Kate brought up nail polish and our fun spa day (I'd been asking her what she wanted for her birthday). She, on her own, said she was going to stop biting her nails so she could get nail polish. I was excited that she wanted to take this step and have been encouraging her for the past few days.
Then, this morning, it was clear she'd bitten all her nails down to the quick. I was so disappointed for her. I asked her when she did it and she said, "in the morning time". I asked her why and she said, "because I thought they were food". (She has used this I-thought-it-was-food excuse every time she's been caught with something in her mouth. She was terrible for awhile about putting dangerous things in her mouth, like a whole mouthful of marbles one time--leading to all marbles being banned from our house.)
I think what she's actually expressing is that she just has an oral fixation and wants to chew on things. Both girls have an issue with this, though it isn't nearly as bad as some kids I've seen.
From their first day here they clearly had issues with food deprivation due to a history of neglect. So, I created a snack drawer that they can go to anytime of the day. They do have to ask, just so I can keep tabs and sometimes steer them to an apple instead of a granola bar, but I have always always always said yes. I think the snack drawer has been one of the most positive ways I've fostered bonding as well. I continually provide food for them whereas their first mother did not. So, all that to say, I know they aren't really hungry but I do know they like to chew.
But, if they are chewing their nails first thing in the morning before they've had breakfast, I would like to help them feel safe and non-deprived. Today I found two tupperware containers and filled each one with a mix of pretzels and animal crackers. I'm going to put each one in their beds and invite them to chew on these snacks instead of their nails.
Second option: I've invited each girl to go outside today and find a favorite stone they really like the texture of. I've noticed that both girls tend to bite their nails while watching TV. I read that giving the child a "rubbing stone" to hold while watching TV could help give them an alternative. (I made sure to specify it has to be a pretty big stone to prevent them from getting it in their mouths.)
So, step one:
a) snacks in their bed for morning soothing
b) rubbing stone for TV for tactile soothing
We'll see. I don't know if this will work but I'd like to try something. Jane's nails are so far chewed back they look red and painful all the time. I'd like to see if she can break this self-destructive habit while she's young.
Comments
Post a Comment