Skip to main content

Update to Previous Post (Observation: Time Alone)

 Today Jane is stuttering terribly. And she had a bit of diarrhea at school. A tiny accident in her pants. She did not tell the teacher. Waited till she got home to tell me. 

When I picked her up from school I looked at her face and knew what'd happened. I'm trying so hard to set her up for success in regards to the lying issue. So, I waited till we were home and alone. I had her pick out a piece of candy from a bowl. I held it and said she could have it if she told the truth. Then I told her I'd be checking her pants to see if she lied. I put the tightest parameters on her I could think of, plus held out a reward. 

I said, "tell the truth. Did you poop yourself at school?"

She said yes. 

I was so relieved she actually told the truth I didn't even care. She said she just couldn't get there in time. I understand; accidents happen. But, how bizarre is it that my daughter said she pooped herself and I immediately reward her with candy. 

So, why is she stuttering? It's the worst it ever gets. Stress over the diarrhea? Stress over finally having to tell the truth when she so adamantly lies and hides most of the time? 

I dunno.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Separation for Me

 One more note about yesterday. I noticed that when the girls were acting up yesterday I truly was not angry. I felt back in my old EI teacher groove where I could calmly observe and reflect to a student but never feel personally involved in the drama. It felt so nice! The equilibriam I was famous for when teaching but that I've struggled to find in my own home.  Being away was so good for me. Thinking other thoughts; being competent around other smart people. Life affirming to me as a human, not just the mother-drone trapped in a small house doing small things repeatedly all day long.  I absolutely have to have professional level conversation and interactions to maintain my sanity. Essential.

Inaugural Post

I think I need to write a blog. I keep searching for good blogs about foster care and none are exactly what I'm looking for. I need to read the work of deeply thinking people who are wrestling with the realities of opening their homes to strangers. But please be funny, too. And, mostly, I need to hear from people whose agenda does not include evangelizing--neither the Christian faith nor the lesbian lifestyle. I respect you both, but I'd rather just hear about the kids, thanks. So, here's the background info I'm always curious about when people provide a peek into their homes. Because context is everything. I'm Beth*. My husband, Theo, and I have been married for 17 years. We have three sons: Seth (16), Gus (12), and James (3). On November 30, 2018, we had two foster girls, Jane (3) and Kate (1) placed in our home. This is our first foster care placement. We are open to both fostering and adoption. (*All names are pseudonyms.) We live in the middle of the mi

Getting There

Today was better. Kids felt calmer. I think being at the cottage with Grandma for 3 days really disturbed Jane's equilibrium...but I also think that she has resettled quicker than she once would've been able to. One small, but HUGE thing happened this morning. Jane rode all the way to church and back, 20 min drive each way, without any singing. I know I sound like a curmudgeon but I have to clarify that it isn't really singing. It's toneless, mindless, repetitious droning of the same few syllables for miles and miles and miles. Even the therapist said it'd drive her batty when I demonstrated it for her once. I'm guessing that Jane rode in cars where the radio was blasting all the time. I'm guessing that no one ever spoke with her as she rode. I'm guessing that, in her need to orally process every single thing, and witnessing that she talks to herself endlessly while playing, the lull of the moving car reduced her to one sing-song phrase as she tried