Therapist...Maybe

 I've been seriously seeking a therapist for our family for several months now. It's ridiculously hard. I could not find someone who a) has experience with foster/adopt children, and b) accepts our insurance, and c) was in our area. 

Finally, a friend said that since it's all telehealth anyway, the therapist could be from anywhere in the state (should be in-state for insurance purposes, though). Two nights ago I spent another 2 hrs digging through endless websites and bios--the most mind numbing exercise since they all sound the same so you're scanning for the tiniest differences and then trying to decide if they mean anything. It's like the saddest dating app ever because nobody wants to be too funny or too cute (what kind of person wants the white guy with bad dreds and love bead necklaces for a therapist...?). Sent out a bunch of queries--which then reminds me of cover letters and manuscripts and publishing agents and how impossible it is to capture your unique needs in 500 words on a Contact Us form. 

Anyway, heard back from two places today. One response was an email that had two typos and questionable punctuation (just a series of ellipses after every phrase). I think if you don't notice you misspelled "Counseling" in the subject of your email I can safely cross you off my list. 

But the other place sounds promising. It's a practice that solely focuses on adoption. I'm waiting to hear back from someone. I'm feeling hopeful for the first time in a long time! Finally, someone other than my husband and every poor friend who happens across my path to unload my woes onto! 

I realized something about myself. I need a plan. I can cope; but I need a plan. Parenting Jane is like swimming in the dark with a host of unknown objects just below the surface we only discover after being thrown into them by the waves. I'm constantly flailing in retrospect. Trying to suss out what I should've done. As if that matters because there isn't a lifeboat anyway; I'll still be swimming blind tomorrow. 

So, hopefully the therapist is my lifeboat. Or, more realistically, they can show me the tools and resources for building our lifeboat. 

I feel grateful to be feeling hopeful. I know I'm going to be really choosy because it's important to find someone I trust and have a rapport with. And I'm trying to be super clear right up front so the therapist knows if we aren't a good fit for them. But even just starting the process feels like a positive step. See, therapy is already doing us good!