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Therapist Search: Phase One

 We had a therapist for nine months of the year the girls were in foster care. She was useless. The girls, literally, did the exact same activities with the exact same toys without any more input from her on the last day of therapy as on their first. I never did understand what the purpose of any of it was. And I did ask! Her answers were fluffy and vague and almost as if she had to hide her intentions from even me. 

We took about a year off but I know we need help. I've been searching for awhile. It started with asking friends for references. That was a dead end. Then I did a big search with an online tool for finding the right therapist for you! Every single one offered to help me transition from one gender to another...not so much expertise with adoption. I did find seven therapists to contact, though. Every single one responded saying they weren't taking new patients. 

A few days ago I did another big search. This time I just did a Google search for "adoption therapists" anywhere in the state we live in, figuring it's all telehealth now anyway so who cares if they're nearby?

I found five therapy group practices that looked good. The next day one responded with typos and weird punctuation. The second day one responded saying they weren't taking new patients. The third day I got three responses. 

Two of the three agencies told me the only available therapists are men. I guess I don't have a problem with that. Wasn't what I pictured but, heck, I've met some empathetic guys who are good to talk to. Sure!

I responded by sending the following questions to all 3 of them. The first 4 questions are legit. The last 3 questions are tests not so much of their view but how they communicate. I want to know if a therapist can be straight with me. I will only respect a therapist who knows their stuff well enough to look me in the eye and say, no, that's a bad idea and here's why.

I think recovered memories are total bullshit and I want to know if a therapist can pretty much say so. I also think teaching a child to intentionally regress is stupid. And, yes, we do use corporal punishment though I do NOT expect any modern day therapist to endorse that. But, it's all in how they word their refusal that is what I'm curious about. Do they refuse but leave room for differences? Or, do they baldly state they won't work with us if we spank? 

Here's what I'm sending each therapist. 

  1. What are your qualifications (education, training, certificates, experiences, etc.)

  2. How many years have you been doing therapy and in what settings?

  3. What techniques/strategies/methods have you used in the past with foster-adoptive children and families? 

  4. How do you work with the whole family? Is there a schedule or frequency rate at which you’d like to see each family member?

  5. What is your opinion on corporal punishment?

  6. What is your opinion on regression therapy (encouraging a child to go back and act out an infantile stage if it was “missed” in development). 

  7. What is your opinion on recovered memories?

Now we wait and see how they respond!

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