Skip to main content

A Song About Adoption

 Today the youngest child, Kate, age 3, got a new stuffed animal toy. She'd been waiting for it for ages (well, two days, but you know, that's ages and ages) and was deeply delighted when it came. She hugged it to her face and walked around the house talking to it. 

I was working so only listening to her with half an ear until I realized what she was doing. She was singing it her own little made up song. The phrases I caught were: when I was a tiny baby...waiting for someone to come get me...then you took me to your home...I was waiting and waiting...

I realized that she was singing a song about adoption. My bio kids, when her age doing that same kind of play, would've said: when I was a tiny baby in mommy's tummy.... She did not. It really struck me.

It was a happy, tender moment for her. The look on her face was sweet and loving. 

But, it surprised me, all the same. After awhile I finished up what I was working on and went to sit beside her on the couch. I asked her to tell me all about her new kitty cat. She showed it to me. Then I asked her about her song and said, "it sounds like you're singing about your adoption." 

She wanted to talk about it. We went over the story. In her version she was no where, living in no house, just waiting and waiting and then one day mommy and daddy brought her and Jane and James all to our house. (She always thinks James was adopted, too.) I gave her a few more details. Yes, she was in someone else's house but that house wasn't safe so important people brought she and Jane to our house and we were sooooo happy when they came to live with us. 

It was a sweet moment full of hugs and kisses. Her adoption story, because she was only 20 months instead of 3.5 as Jane was, is always going to be so much simpler, with less angst.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Family Visit Success!

Last weekend we did a family visit that was a return to how we'd first begun doing them. Theo and I drove the girls down and stayed and hung out with the family the whole time. The visit was just 1.5 hours long. Aunt made the lovely suggestion that good-byes would happen in the house and not at the car. She even coached grandma to do them quickly. So, we did a quick but sincere good-bye then left. No drama with grandma climbing over seats or Jane wailing from her car seat. And it all worked! Girls were cheerful and chatty on the way home! No nightmares for Jane that night! Kate was even okay--one day of extreme clinginess but then she returned to usual level of attachment-bonding cling! I'm so incredibly relieved! Because what would I have done if this hadn't worked?? I could not bear the thought of telling them we were stopping visits completely not least of all because I truly don't believe that would be the right path, long term. But now I don't have to f...
Post a Comment
Read more

Separation for Me

 One more note about yesterday. I noticed that when the girls were acting up yesterday I truly was not angry. I felt back in my old EI teacher groove where I could calmly observe and reflect to a student but never feel personally involved in the drama. It felt so nice! The equilibriam I was famous for when teaching but that I've struggled to find in my own home.  Being away was so good for me. Thinking other thoughts; being competent around other smart people. Life affirming to me as a human, not just the mother-drone trapped in a small house doing small things repeatedly all day long.  I absolutely have to have professional level conversation and interactions to maintain my sanity. Essential.
Post a Comment
Read more

Why She Pees...

 Last week the little sister, Kate, got in trouble for peeing herself and then lying about it. She's had a weak bladder her whole life and must be vigilant about going often or she has an accident. If she gets busy playing and nobody reminds her to go, it's inevitable.  I am annoyed at the hassle, but tolerant that it's a medical situation.  Then, tonight I realized Jane smelled like pee. There's no excuse. She can hold it for days if she wants to. She got in trouble (a cold shower to hose off her body). Then I realized her room stank and asked what was going on. She told me she'd been deliberately peeing herself each day for the last three days, "so that you'd smell it and think she did it and then she'd get in trouble."  She's a sociopath.  Who deliberately sits in their own pee for three days for the small thrill of getting their little sister yelled at?  Well, two can play at this manipulation fight. I called Kate into the room and then had...
Post a Comment
Read more