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Birth Family...This is Just Who They Are

 Today, I got this email after birth grandma received a photo book I made of pictures taken over the last year. The book is made up of 2-3 of the best pictures from every month for the previous year. I spent some time adding captions, etc. I sent a copy of the book to both the grandma and the aunt who we are in contact with. 

"hello just getting ready to walk into work I went through the pictures of my beautiful gift I got from the girls couple times today. I want you to know tears not all of sadness I am happy that the girls are finally safe and in a good family. I miss them every single day. But I see the glow in their eyes now you brought that back to them girls. All of you have. And I couldn't ask for more. As I go through these pictures I see how much they've grown. they shine now. I mean that they are healthy and happy. And their beautiful little girls. they came so far and it's all because of you guys. I appreciate you guys very much. And I thank God everyday. That I can go to bed At night.. and rest easy. They've been working at the lot of hours I'm exhausted. but it would be nice to have this Christmas break. you guys are a beautiful family. And thank you for & thank you for such joy and happiness to all of us. Merry Christmas and Happy New Years. Love Grandma J"

 I truly appreciate her kind words and acknowledgement of what I can also see over the last two years--these girls are so much healthier and happier. And they are having all kinds of experiences. Not fancy expensive stuff, but just a huge range of outings and fun events and doing projects around the house. I understand it was hard for her to acknowledge that the girls are better off with us and I appreciate her generosity in saying it. 

But. 

I also know that two days ago she added two people to an online album of pictures without my permission. I recognized one of the names--her dad--but I don't recognize the other name. It's someone called Gray Dog which makes me think it's an older man, but I have no idea. It could be anyone, even her son who is not to have any contact whatsoever with the girls.

She didn't ask. She didn't want me to know she was sending pictures of my daughters to someone else. 

Of course, on one hand, I do understand that I lose control of those pictures after I send them. She could be printing off the pictures I'm sending to her and sharing them with anyone. She could simply be letting her son look through her phone when I send her pictures. On one hand I know this but on the other hand I know that when I set up the album I specifically said these pictures were just for her and no one else.

She blatantly added someone to that album against my wishes. An album I've been faithfully adding to every month for two years. A connection I've maintained despite every set back or loss of trust because I believed we owed it to these family members to maintain a connection.

In the end it always comes down to trust. She could've asked for me to include those people on the album. If I knew who they were I could've added their email easily. She could've been above-board and open and honest and demonstrated that she is willing to be in a genuine relationship. 

But, she didn't. She is a broken person stuck in unhealthy habits. This is the reality of who she is. This is why we only trust so far but not enough that someone could get hurt. 

Now I wait to see if she'll say something. Will she realize they've been deleted from the account? Will she mention that she wanted her dad, and whomever Gray Dog is, to see pics of the girls? I doubt it. If she does I will say I didn't recognize the names and that we were afraid our account got hacked and we couldn't let random people on the internet have access to pics of young girls. It's plausible. And close enough to the truth to make her think about who really has the girls' best interests in mind, and who does not. 


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