Foster Further

GRANDMA'S RESPONSE It was fine. Daytime trick or treating at the fairgrounds with Grandma was perfectly fine. She never even asked about school. She never asked about our next get together. In fact, she didn't do much except point out other fun costumes people were wearing.  Here's what I forgot: she's the most conflict averse person I've ever met. She doesn't want to talk about any unpleasant topics. She doesn't want to think about anything unhappy. She wants to live in a childish bubble of candy and cartoons. I don't think she even realizes that kids are old enough to be in Kindergarten. I don't think she even thinks about such things. In fact, she didn't truly talk to the kids that much. She was super happy they gave her hugs at the beginning. She liked the fun of the event and escorting kids was a great way to have fun.  Really, the kids are just props so she can feel like a fun grandma. She doesn't really want a relationship. She wants p...

 Tomorrow the kids will do a daytime Trunk or Treat event with Grandma. I suggested the outing about two months ago, chose the event, coordinated a meeting place with her, bought the kids costumes, prepped them for it, and now it's happening. I did it all. And I am dreading it with every fiber in my being. All this week my mood has been sliding downhill the closer it gets.  I hate meet ups with Grandma. There was a time when I hated them less, now I hate them with visceral dread. Why? Because I don't want Grandma to know where the girls are in school.  It was a huge mistake to tell her our home address and last name. A few weeks after we did that I got a phone call from a relative telling me about Grandma sneaking her son back into other grandchildren's lives. The relative warned me to "look in the back seat of her car" in case she was hiding him in there when she came to visit us. Needless to say, she was never invited to our house again.  So, what do I do? Yes, ...

 Appropos of nothing, Jane just had a total emotional breakdown, breakthrough?, something or other, I'm not even sure what to call it.  She was getting pajamas on and she wouldn't ask for help but literally fell over wrestling herself into them. I came to help and began talking to her about her choice--refusing to ask for help is like choosing to be alone. She hates feeling lonely or alone or left behind so making this connection was powerful.  That led to talking about being a member of the family. When she lies and isn't her authentic self then she isn't really with us. Those behaviors are separating herself from us; being alone.  This is complicated, abstract stuff and I wonder if I'm saying too much but there's a side of her that has experienced so much trauma that she is mature beyond her years. She, on her own, makes observations about human behavior that are far beyond what I'd expect from a 5 yr old. And, she avidly absorbs and extrapolates during ou...