Jane has a new phrase. She says, "You're my favorite mama!" while hugging me tight. Always aware of her jealousy issues it took me a moment to think of the right response that wouldn't set her up in comparison to her siblings, but then I responded, "And you're my favorite Jane!" She loves it.
Tonight she was sitting on my lap--really, sprawling across me as I watched TV--when she said it. After my line she sprang up, turned to face me, and retold the story of her adoption. She does this every few weeks, it always takes me by surprise because it seems to always come out of nowhere, but I make sure I pay attention and acknowledge her story. I've also started correcting a few inaccuracies that creep in due to her young age and lack of ability to understand.
Tonight's version was very simple. She said, (some paraphrasing here on my part), "My other mom misses me. I used to live at my other mom's house but then I came here and you borrowed me for awhile because you didn't have any kids and then my other mom didn't get her stuff done in time so now you're my mom."
I confirmed and corrected, saying back, "Yes, your other mom will always love you and miss you and you came here for awhile to give your other mom time to make her house safe but she didn't do the things she needed to do so now no kids can live at her house and so now you live here forever. But Seth and Gus and James always lived here and we wanted to have more kids even after the boys came into our family so that's why we asked for you and Kate to come live here."
This is the first time she's introduced the word, "borrowed" to her story. In a weird way, I kinda like it. It's almost the best kid-friendly term for foster care I can think of. And it does sum up the limbo period we went through that is different from the reality of adoption we live in now.
After I corrected her misunderstanding of Seth and Gus and James--she's asked a few times where their "other mom" is and has a hard time understanding they are our birth children--she finished the tale of her adoption by saying, "And my other mom had two fish and one died cuz it was caught on a rock."
That damn fish. It's the weirdest little detail she includes and I just don't know what it means. Oh, and after the fish Jane went on to describe a pink clothing item her birth mom wore. Based on what she says I think it was essentially nothing but a bra that the woman walked around in nonstop. And let me say, she was a big woman in every possible way so that must've been some look she was rocking there. Aunt confirms she'd go over there and the girls would be running around naked while their mother was in just her bra so Jane's detail does have confirmation. Weird little pictures into their lives.
One more thing about her telling of her adoption story...this is the first time she didn't use her mother's name. She only said, "my other mother". I try to follow Jane's lead and let her be the author of her story so I used the same term and didn't add in her birth mother's name. I wonder if she's actually forgetting her name. I wonder what this means.
The past few weeks have been my best extended time with Jane since she arrived almost 1.5 years ago. This is the least amount of contact she's had with birth family and Jane seems calmer and more settled than ever.
Her play is becoming more organized and less chaotic. Her speech and movement are more regulated. She's extremely affectionate with me but in a healthy, loving way, not in a frantic fearful-attachment kind of way. She's much less jealous of others. I think she's finally bonding with us. I never would've asked for a worldwide pandemic that had our family sheltering at home but honestly I think the stability and intensity of attention has been just what she needed.
Tonight she was sitting on my lap--really, sprawling across me as I watched TV--when she said it. After my line she sprang up, turned to face me, and retold the story of her adoption. She does this every few weeks, it always takes me by surprise because it seems to always come out of nowhere, but I make sure I pay attention and acknowledge her story. I've also started correcting a few inaccuracies that creep in due to her young age and lack of ability to understand.
Tonight's version was very simple. She said, (some paraphrasing here on my part), "My other mom misses me. I used to live at my other mom's house but then I came here and you borrowed me for awhile because you didn't have any kids and then my other mom didn't get her stuff done in time so now you're my mom."
I confirmed and corrected, saying back, "Yes, your other mom will always love you and miss you and you came here for awhile to give your other mom time to make her house safe but she didn't do the things she needed to do so now no kids can live at her house and so now you live here forever. But Seth and Gus and James always lived here and we wanted to have more kids even after the boys came into our family so that's why we asked for you and Kate to come live here."
This is the first time she's introduced the word, "borrowed" to her story. In a weird way, I kinda like it. It's almost the best kid-friendly term for foster care I can think of. And it does sum up the limbo period we went through that is different from the reality of adoption we live in now.
After I corrected her misunderstanding of Seth and Gus and James--she's asked a few times where their "other mom" is and has a hard time understanding they are our birth children--she finished the tale of her adoption by saying, "And my other mom had two fish and one died cuz it was caught on a rock."
That damn fish. It's the weirdest little detail she includes and I just don't know what it means. Oh, and after the fish Jane went on to describe a pink clothing item her birth mom wore. Based on what she says I think it was essentially nothing but a bra that the woman walked around in nonstop. And let me say, she was a big woman in every possible way so that must've been some look she was rocking there. Aunt confirms she'd go over there and the girls would be running around naked while their mother was in just her bra so Jane's detail does have confirmation. Weird little pictures into their lives.
One more thing about her telling of her adoption story...this is the first time she didn't use her mother's name. She only said, "my other mother". I try to follow Jane's lead and let her be the author of her story so I used the same term and didn't add in her birth mother's name. I wonder if she's actually forgetting her name. I wonder what this means.
The past few weeks have been my best extended time with Jane since she arrived almost 1.5 years ago. This is the least amount of contact she's had with birth family and Jane seems calmer and more settled than ever.
Her play is becoming more organized and less chaotic. Her speech and movement are more regulated. She's extremely affectionate with me but in a healthy, loving way, not in a frantic fearful-attachment kind of way. She's much less jealous of others. I think she's finally bonding with us. I never would've asked for a worldwide pandemic that had our family sheltering at home but honestly I think the stability and intensity of attention has been just what she needed.
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