Tomorrow we tell Grandma that the adoption was finalized. I've been preparing a letter we will give her that a) thanks her for continuing to be a part of their lives, b) assures her we want that to continue, and c) outlines our boundaries going forward.
I'll talk this through in person but I also wanted to give her a letter so she'd have something concrete to read if she became too emotional while we were talking and also so she could show it to others in her life who could help her understand. I've already called the Aunt and told her about the adoption finalization and she agrees this is a good plan.
One thing I waffled with is trying to manage her social media posts. On one hand it's ridiculous to even try. She can open up new accounts I don't know about--she can show people pictures she takes on her phone when she's with them in person. If she's going to have access to the girls then I cannot control what she does with that access.
On the other hand, I can at least be clear with her when I don't like something I do see. So, a few days ago I created a FB account under a pseudonym, telling her it would be the girls' page so they could communicate with her, and then friended her. She accepted the request and now I can see what she's putting up.
I scrolled through last night. First--to get this irrelevant bit off my chest--there's something sad about really messed up people posting one self-help meme after another. I've decided that's my new determination of someone's true mental health. If they're always telling you how to be a better person, they're probably not applying the advice to their own life.
Secondly, I didn't see her son listed as one of her FB friends but there were a lot of "unsavory characters", shall we say. I didn't know creating a profile pic of you posing with most of your breasts exposed while flipping the bird was such a common thing. Also guys glaring angrily as if they're about to start a fight. Seriously, if you have that many angry, slutty friends.... Yikes.
Third, yep, there was video she posted of the girls playing. And the video was fine EXCEPT that I am talking about a sensitive topic during the video! I was shocked. I remember that day and I know I had no idea she was recording a video while we were chatting. It was bizarre to hear my voice. And, why would she need to post that video? The girls were just running around, not doing anything particularly cute or even looking at the camera. So, was she intentionally capturing me talking?
I'm not going to make a big deal of it right now because it's already out there but I hope that knowing I'm seeing what she posts will be a deterrent for future questionable things. Cuz this lady has very poor judgment and could do some scary stuff in the future.
Social media is definitely going to be the hardest part of this relationship.
I'll talk this through in person but I also wanted to give her a letter so she'd have something concrete to read if she became too emotional while we were talking and also so she could show it to others in her life who could help her understand. I've already called the Aunt and told her about the adoption finalization and she agrees this is a good plan.
One thing I waffled with is trying to manage her social media posts. On one hand it's ridiculous to even try. She can open up new accounts I don't know about--she can show people pictures she takes on her phone when she's with them in person. If she's going to have access to the girls then I cannot control what she does with that access.
On the other hand, I can at least be clear with her when I don't like something I do see. So, a few days ago I created a FB account under a pseudonym, telling her it would be the girls' page so they could communicate with her, and then friended her. She accepted the request and now I can see what she's putting up.
I scrolled through last night. First--to get this irrelevant bit off my chest--there's something sad about really messed up people posting one self-help meme after another. I've decided that's my new determination of someone's true mental health. If they're always telling you how to be a better person, they're probably not applying the advice to their own life.
Secondly, I didn't see her son listed as one of her FB friends but there were a lot of "unsavory characters", shall we say. I didn't know creating a profile pic of you posing with most of your breasts exposed while flipping the bird was such a common thing. Also guys glaring angrily as if they're about to start a fight. Seriously, if you have that many angry, slutty friends.... Yikes.
Third, yep, there was video she posted of the girls playing. And the video was fine EXCEPT that I am talking about a sensitive topic during the video! I was shocked. I remember that day and I know I had no idea she was recording a video while we were chatting. It was bizarre to hear my voice. And, why would she need to post that video? The girls were just running around, not doing anything particularly cute or even looking at the camera. So, was she intentionally capturing me talking?
I'm not going to make a big deal of it right now because it's already out there but I hope that knowing I'm seeing what she posts will be a deterrent for future questionable things. Cuz this lady has very poor judgment and could do some scary stuff in the future.
Social media is definitely going to be the hardest part of this relationship.
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