The facts: due to Thanksgiving chaos, in the past three weeks Jane has faced a slew of obstacles.
1) We revisited birth family in a home she used to go to often for the first time in a year--lots of memories triggered by being in that space again.
2) We traveled out of state and were gone from home for 4 nights--a major disruption to her sleep and sense of security.
3) Something like 30+ people we rarely see were a part of those visits--this highly social girl is exhausted.
4) Due to the travel we missed two dance classes and two O.T. sessions--big factors in her physical well-being.
5) She's 4 years old and only one year into a safe environment and really, only a few months into feeling calm and safe every day.
So, looking at it like that, of course I should expect negative consequences, right? Honestly, looking at those factors it's been much smoother than it could've been.
I see that she's more hyper, less able to focus on toys, more prone to pestering the dog or cats, reverting back to controlling behaviors toward her little sister, reverting back to mindless chatter or noises, an increase in the self-harm of biting her nails and picking at wounds on her hands she just cannot leave alone and let heal.
Also, last night, there was this discovery. I heard her telling ghost stories to Kate and James. And suddenly I understood why Kate and James, but only those two and not Jane, have been having nightmares about ghosts and monsters. It's been going on for about a month. She has very little concept of time so all she could tell me was that she's done this "more than 10 times".
I can cope when she reverts to old behaviors. I hate feeling blindsided when there's a new behavior. I mean, this isn't the worst thing in the world. Older siblings have been telling younger siblings scary stories for millenia. But it's still something I won't allow in my home. Nope, you don't get to mentally torture your siblings. I'm not okay that Kate is now afraid to go to bed and James runs, crying, into our room every night, babbling fearfully about his nightmare.
So now I need to apply a preventative strategy. For the next week or so I'll put her to bed a half hour early with an explanation of why she can't go to bed at the same time they do (she HATES to miss out so this is going to be a HUGE punishment for her). And, after Kate and James do go in I'll sit outside the door for awhile to ensure she's asleep and not talking. I'll tell her I'm there and listening with a consequence for if I hear her voice.
Yesterday I took the kids to the woods for an hour. Today I took them to the playground. No, I don't enjoy going to the park in 38 degree weather. But, with the chaos and the missed dance classes and OT sessions she is displaying the mental stress that lack of physical activity has on her.
At the park today she did only two things for an entire hour. a) laid across the swing on her belly so her head hung upside down and twisted around or swung back and forth, b) sat on the spinny thing and spun herself till she was so dizzy she'd fall off.
All these behaviors (swinging, head upside down, spinning) are things she needs to do to re-establish equilibrium when her Sensory Integration Disorder is strongly affecting her.
As I watched her revert back to this way of playing on the playground I just felt sad. Like watching us go back months, losing all progress.
I'm reminded that "better" for her is not "cured". She had been doing so much better...because we were applying all the preventative strategies and her life was in a safe routine. But she never was actually "better" as in all better and no longer needing help. I mean, of course I should know this, duh. She's only 4 and has only begun the interventions recently.
And my brain keeps mulling over two things about all the above. 1) What IS this mind/body connection for her. What IS the correlation between mental stress and body disregulation that then leads to misbehavior and self-harm? 2) Is this a permanent state for her, will she always be prone to negative behaviors if her routine is disrupted or her physical activity level isn't met? Is this the precursor to drug addition--mental stress resolved through harmful physical satiation?
I can never stop worrying and trying to figure out: what is really going on and how will this play out in the future.
1) We revisited birth family in a home she used to go to often for the first time in a year--lots of memories triggered by being in that space again.
2) We traveled out of state and were gone from home for 4 nights--a major disruption to her sleep and sense of security.
3) Something like 30+ people we rarely see were a part of those visits--this highly social girl is exhausted.
4) Due to the travel we missed two dance classes and two O.T. sessions--big factors in her physical well-being.
5) She's 4 years old and only one year into a safe environment and really, only a few months into feeling calm and safe every day.
So, looking at it like that, of course I should expect negative consequences, right? Honestly, looking at those factors it's been much smoother than it could've been.
I see that she's more hyper, less able to focus on toys, more prone to pestering the dog or cats, reverting back to controlling behaviors toward her little sister, reverting back to mindless chatter or noises, an increase in the self-harm of biting her nails and picking at wounds on her hands she just cannot leave alone and let heal.
Also, last night, there was this discovery. I heard her telling ghost stories to Kate and James. And suddenly I understood why Kate and James, but only those two and not Jane, have been having nightmares about ghosts and monsters. It's been going on for about a month. She has very little concept of time so all she could tell me was that she's done this "more than 10 times".
I can cope when she reverts to old behaviors. I hate feeling blindsided when there's a new behavior. I mean, this isn't the worst thing in the world. Older siblings have been telling younger siblings scary stories for millenia. But it's still something I won't allow in my home. Nope, you don't get to mentally torture your siblings. I'm not okay that Kate is now afraid to go to bed and James runs, crying, into our room every night, babbling fearfully about his nightmare.
So now I need to apply a preventative strategy. For the next week or so I'll put her to bed a half hour early with an explanation of why she can't go to bed at the same time they do (she HATES to miss out so this is going to be a HUGE punishment for her). And, after Kate and James do go in I'll sit outside the door for awhile to ensure she's asleep and not talking. I'll tell her I'm there and listening with a consequence for if I hear her voice.
Yesterday I took the kids to the woods for an hour. Today I took them to the playground. No, I don't enjoy going to the park in 38 degree weather. But, with the chaos and the missed dance classes and OT sessions she is displaying the mental stress that lack of physical activity has on her.
At the park today she did only two things for an entire hour. a) laid across the swing on her belly so her head hung upside down and twisted around or swung back and forth, b) sat on the spinny thing and spun herself till she was so dizzy she'd fall off.
All these behaviors (swinging, head upside down, spinning) are things she needs to do to re-establish equilibrium when her Sensory Integration Disorder is strongly affecting her.
As I watched her revert back to this way of playing on the playground I just felt sad. Like watching us go back months, losing all progress.
I'm reminded that "better" for her is not "cured". She had been doing so much better...because we were applying all the preventative strategies and her life was in a safe routine. But she never was actually "better" as in all better and no longer needing help. I mean, of course I should know this, duh. She's only 4 and has only begun the interventions recently.
And my brain keeps mulling over two things about all the above. 1) What IS this mind/body connection for her. What IS the correlation between mental stress and body disregulation that then leads to misbehavior and self-harm? 2) Is this a permanent state for her, will she always be prone to negative behaviors if her routine is disrupted or her physical activity level isn't met? Is this the precursor to drug addition--mental stress resolved through harmful physical satiation?
I can never stop worrying and trying to figure out: what is really going on and how will this play out in the future.
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