Skip to main content

Drama, Pt II

After putting Jane to bed and writing most of the previous post, I got a call from the girl's aunt who has moved out of state. We'll be visiting her family on our way to FL.

We're chatting when she suddenly changes the topic (I later realized someone walked out of the room so she could speak freely) and she tells me point blank to never, ever allow Grandma to take the girls out on her own. That Grandma absolutely will put them in contact with their father who is a convicted sexual predator of young children. That Grandma did that with his other kids by another mother over Thanksgiving. There are pictures on FB to prove it. And the girl was instructed, by Grandma, to lie to her parents about who had been at the Thanksgiving party.

This is the same family party that Grandma BEGGED us to allow her to take the girls to. She tried every which way to get them there. And I felt super bad about denying her at the time but on an instinctual level it felt wrong for us to let them go off to the home of family members we hadn't met.

Aunt also warned me to always look in the back of Grandma's car to see if her son is hiding there when she comes to our house. Oh My Freaking God!!!! I never even thought of that!

Aunt told me again and again to never trust her, never let her have pre-planned, solo access to the girls, always be suspicious, always be on guard, expect I'm being lied to.

At the end of the conversation Aunt told me she was so glad the girls came to us and are totally free of her family. She said that when she first learned we were changing their middle names she got mad but now she's not only glad she wishes we'd change their whole names and hide them away forever from her sister.

She cried and made me promise that when the day comes that the girls ask about their family history I'm to put them in contact with her so she can tell them the whole truth--that she could've gotten custody of them but it was a true choice of love to get them out of the family.

So then I'm crying and thanking her again for the choice she made to back out and let them stay with us. And promising I'll keep them safe from her lying, conniving sister.

Next up: we see Grandma on Christmas Eve.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Lied.

For the very first time I lied to a birth family member. I've been brutally honest even when it caused an uproar. I've been honest because I was personally committed to always telling the truth. Until now. Because this lie may actually be the best way to preserve Jane's relationship with her birth family. At our last video call with Grandma Jane seemed uninterested, unengaged, not showing any real emotion. I struggled to find things to prompt her to talk about. Over the next two weeks I waited and she never asked for another call. In the third week I casually brought up the topic and she did not really respond, certainly didn't ask for another call. Finally, yesterday I point blank asked if she wanted to do a video call and she said the word yes but her whole body language said no. It was clear that she was saying yes because she thought she was supposed to, not because she wanted to. So, I took her body language rather than her words and made the decision that we...
Post a Comment
Read more

So What About Mother's Day?

I was looking ahead on the calendar to our next visit and suddenly realized it fell during Mother's Day weekend. A flood of mixed emotions hit me immediately. Mother's Day is not a deeply important holiday to me. It's nice and all but I've never had super big emotions about it.  The girls can't know what it is yet and won't have any big feelings this year. But...years from now...will this be a uniquely difficult holiday?  So if no one cares right now can I just kinda slide this one under the rug and avoid all the drama? Please, please, please someone confirm this is a real option!?! Ugh, but what about the birth family. Is this a big deal for them? Are there major traditions? Will this be a minefield of potential hurt feelings? Is there a tactful way to call them up and say, so, on a scale of 1 to 10 how invested are you into making this a big rigamarole? While thinking this through I did some googling and found that the local zoo does a special Mother...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why This but Not That?

I've been thinking about how I react to everything the three toddlers do. After years as a special ed teacher and 16 years of parenting I feel like I'm pretty relaxed most of the time. I would generally describe my parenting style as: pick your battles and, really, are there that many battles worth fighting? But lately it seems like I'm having big reactions to some things that the three littles do. For example: they were all three playing in the front yard and Kate opened the gate and got out into the driveway, even though I'd made a big deal about only mama opening that gate. Walking outside and finding her outside the fence (the gate had swung shut behind her) was about the angriest I have been since the girls came. I went absolutely ballistic...to the extent that I won't even describe here what I did to teach her this was extremely dangerous behavior. We live in the country but our house is near a road that people go flying down because it's so quiet. No...
Post a Comment
Read more