I've been using FB to find out more about family relationships and about the people who say they want to be a part of the girls' lives. I feel like an anthropologist delving into another world.
I'm also weirdly obsessed with knowing if any of these people post pictures of the girls that I shared. It makes me strangely angry to see them reposting a picture that I took, at our house, of a special moment that I wanted to capture. And to see who shares pictures with whom (or perhaps, who steals pictures from whom).
Here are my main discoveries:
a) I discovered that Ken (a fictive relative, is the official term in social work lingo--a person who doesn't have a biological or legal relationship but still considers themselves to be a member of the family, usually a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend of a relative) has a pattern when posting. He posts one Scripture verse, one pro-gun rant, one hate-Democrats meme, one homo- or trans-phobic meme, and then begins the cycle again, with the occasional personal picture thrown in.
And now I never want to be around the guy again. Not that I can't be around pro-gun Republicans. There are several in my immediate family whom I quite enjoy. It's the anger and hypocrisy. And stupidity. Don't make an angry, ignorant statement about guns or politics and then post a Bible verse. Trying to flower over your anger with a pseudo-Christian statement (because of course not one posted verse addresses the demanding messages of Christ to love your neighbor) just makes you a sad, lonely person.
I think what makes me most disturbed by seeing what an angry, hateful person he is, in juxtaposition with pictures of him with my girls is the realization that he's using them to make himself appear nice or good. He's using my children to make himself feel better about his image. This realization--naming the ick feeling I got when I viewed his page--clarifies why I just could never wholly trust him. What kind of a guy needs small children for companionship? What kind of a guy pretends to be a grandpa on FB when he never was? I think we've said our good-byes to him.
b) Self-obsessed people only post sexy selfies. No pics of their kids. No life events. Not even hardly any memes. This is deeply revelatory to me in a duh! kind of way. My sole purpose for using FB is to share about my kids with friends and relatives. Their sole purpose for using FB is to advertise themselves for sex. It just kinda astounds me to see this other, parallel universe. And makes me totally grossed out by FB in general.
c) While the girls are posting sexy selfies the guys are posting muscle shots of themselves with guns. I found their 13-year-old half-brother's FB page and it's all of him from about the age of 8, holding guns. The latest is him in his bedroom, no shirt on, with what looks like an assault rifle on the bed and another in his hands while he attempts a stern look at the camera. The guns look exactly like what soldiers are carrying to war. Confirming, yet again, that my girls will never step foot in that house where children are playing with serious weaponry.
After a few hours of this I had a helpful diagram of whom is related to whom and who is forever crossed off our contact list, but I felt downright dirty. It's all so...base. A human being's most base desires. People striving for nothing but sex and power.
Sometimes it's hard to quantify what makes a 'good person' and what makes a 'bad person'. It isn't money or education. It is, I think, seeing what that person hopes and strives for. Do they strive for something bigger than themselves or for an endless satiation of the most base desires?
I am really missing Heidi, the girls' aunt, who moved to Kentucky a few months ago. She's the only relative I've met so far who I truly like and respect. She never finished HS and both she and her husband have a criminal record. She was a teen mom, lives on the edge of poverty, and is missing some teeth. On paper you might think you know who she is. But you don't. She is a solid, responsible person who worked her way up to store manager. She is kind and generous, while also managing a serious temper and don't-mess-with-me attitude. She is funny and honest. I liked her the first moment I met her and she was and has been my best link with the family. Her FB page looks pretty much like mine--pics of her kids and life events.
Viewing these social media profiles made me feel like Abraham bargaining with God before the destruction of Sodom--is there even ten good people in the wicked city of Facebook?
I'm also weirdly obsessed with knowing if any of these people post pictures of the girls that I shared. It makes me strangely angry to see them reposting a picture that I took, at our house, of a special moment that I wanted to capture. And to see who shares pictures with whom (or perhaps, who steals pictures from whom).
Here are my main discoveries:
a) I discovered that Ken (a fictive relative, is the official term in social work lingo--a person who doesn't have a biological or legal relationship but still considers themselves to be a member of the family, usually a long-term boyfriend or girlfriend of a relative) has a pattern when posting. He posts one Scripture verse, one pro-gun rant, one hate-Democrats meme, one homo- or trans-phobic meme, and then begins the cycle again, with the occasional personal picture thrown in.
And now I never want to be around the guy again. Not that I can't be around pro-gun Republicans. There are several in my immediate family whom I quite enjoy. It's the anger and hypocrisy. And stupidity. Don't make an angry, ignorant statement about guns or politics and then post a Bible verse. Trying to flower over your anger with a pseudo-Christian statement (because of course not one posted verse addresses the demanding messages of Christ to love your neighbor) just makes you a sad, lonely person.
I think what makes me most disturbed by seeing what an angry, hateful person he is, in juxtaposition with pictures of him with my girls is the realization that he's using them to make himself appear nice or good. He's using my children to make himself feel better about his image. This realization--naming the ick feeling I got when I viewed his page--clarifies why I just could never wholly trust him. What kind of a guy needs small children for companionship? What kind of a guy pretends to be a grandpa on FB when he never was? I think we've said our good-byes to him.
b) Self-obsessed people only post sexy selfies. No pics of their kids. No life events. Not even hardly any memes. This is deeply revelatory to me in a duh! kind of way. My sole purpose for using FB is to share about my kids with friends and relatives. Their sole purpose for using FB is to advertise themselves for sex. It just kinda astounds me to see this other, parallel universe. And makes me totally grossed out by FB in general.
c) While the girls are posting sexy selfies the guys are posting muscle shots of themselves with guns. I found their 13-year-old half-brother's FB page and it's all of him from about the age of 8, holding guns. The latest is him in his bedroom, no shirt on, with what looks like an assault rifle on the bed and another in his hands while he attempts a stern look at the camera. The guns look exactly like what soldiers are carrying to war. Confirming, yet again, that my girls will never step foot in that house where children are playing with serious weaponry.
After a few hours of this I had a helpful diagram of whom is related to whom and who is forever crossed off our contact list, but I felt downright dirty. It's all so...base. A human being's most base desires. People striving for nothing but sex and power.
Sometimes it's hard to quantify what makes a 'good person' and what makes a 'bad person'. It isn't money or education. It is, I think, seeing what that person hopes and strives for. Do they strive for something bigger than themselves or for an endless satiation of the most base desires?
I am really missing Heidi, the girls' aunt, who moved to Kentucky a few months ago. She's the only relative I've met so far who I truly like and respect. She never finished HS and both she and her husband have a criminal record. She was a teen mom, lives on the edge of poverty, and is missing some teeth. On paper you might think you know who she is. But you don't. She is a solid, responsible person who worked her way up to store manager. She is kind and generous, while also managing a serious temper and don't-mess-with-me attitude. She is funny and honest. I liked her the first moment I met her and she was and has been my best link with the family. Her FB page looks pretty much like mine--pics of her kids and life events.
Viewing these social media profiles made me feel like Abraham bargaining with God before the destruction of Sodom--is there even ten good people in the wicked city of Facebook?
Comments
Post a Comment