Tomorrow we take our whole family to spend an early Thanksgiving dinner with Papa Ken*, who is a sorta grandfather figure because he was maternal grandma's boyfriend during Ava's early years.
Ken and Laura (Leah's mother) had already broken up by the time we got the girls but somehow he was still getting the girls at his house, every weekend, for the year before they came to us. In addition to Jane and Kate going every weekend he also got Gabby, the girls' cousin (Leah's sister's daughter). He still sees Gabby fairly regularly. Gabby is about 7, I think.
Gabby's mom, Nikki, is Leah's twin sister but luckily they don't look anything alike. Imagine if she did--would we let her see the girls for fear that they'd think it was their mother? Would I fear that it was Leah for real, pretending to be Nikki? Gah, thank god they barely even look like sisters, let alone twins. I truly could hardly believe they were related when looking at them side-by-side at the courthouse.
Tomorrow Ken will have Nikki, Gabby, Nikki's boyfriend, and their new baby, Elizabeth, at his house. I have never spent any time with Nikki and I'm very concerned about how she'll act. Laura will not be there. Laura has come to one event, Kate's 2nd birthday party, which occurred two days after the trial to terminate parental rights. She has never responded to our attempts to contact her nor shown up to events like Jane's birthday party.
We have contact with the girls' father's side but, biologically speaking, that's only Jane's father. I have absolutely no plans to try to hunt down Kate's father because my FB stalking shows a very scary guy, plus I just don't think we need to be introducing new people at this point in their lives. Maybe when she's a teen and wants to know more, we'll look for him then.
So, in theory we'd like to have some contact with the girls' maternal side, especially since that's Kate's only real relatives.
And yet...I just can't reconcile myself to Ken. I find it weird that this guy--older guy in his late 60s--wants to spend every weekend with two or three very young girls (from the time they were in diapers) at his house every weekend. He told me the whole story, how they came to seem like his own grandkids. As someone who is currently adopting shouldn't I be able to understand that family ties don't depend on biology?
And yet...the girls' aunt, who is a straight shooter and whose opinion I've come to believe about every person, told me right at the beginning that she had a creepy feeling about Ken getting the girls every weekend.
He's a school bus driver during the school year and works for the DNR in the summer so I know he's been background checked. But lots of crimes go undetected.
When we're around him he's avidly interested in the girls. But...isn't that normal for someone who hasn't seen the girls and wants to see them very badly?
When I told Jane today that we're going to his house tomorrow she became very happy, down right ecstatic. Telling me all about her favorite things to do there (it's all about the toys and playing with Gabby).
Then she said, "And Gabby and I get to sleep in Papa's bed and him, too!"
Except she kinda swallowed the last part so I wasn't sure if I heard it right. I asked and she confirmed that yes, he slept in his bed along with them. Except we've had this conversation before, quite soon after she came here and again about six months ago and those time she said he slept on his couch. She wasn't positive about him sleeping in the bed this time; spoke vaguely and hesitantly. So, was she lying then or now? Or just confused? The girl has a weird memory. Some times so sharp and others totally wrong.
I really don't know what to think, or what is right, anymore.
So, in preparation I've already found an excuse for the girls to not tell him what their names are changing to (just one less identifiable bit of info if we do cut off ties). Thanks god our last name is so awfully hard to pronounce even if the girls said it right he wouldn't be able to spell it.
And now Theo and I are talking about escape plans if it all goes south and we need to get out fast. I'm having bizarro nightmares about Nikki's boyfriend pulling a gun and Nikki kidnapping the girls. Cuz of course my mind goes that dark, that fast.
This is so crazy. And I just wanna be all done with the crazy.
*all names changed for privacy, as usual.
Ken and Laura (Leah's mother) had already broken up by the time we got the girls but somehow he was still getting the girls at his house, every weekend, for the year before they came to us. In addition to Jane and Kate going every weekend he also got Gabby, the girls' cousin (Leah's sister's daughter). He still sees Gabby fairly regularly. Gabby is about 7, I think.
Gabby's mom, Nikki, is Leah's twin sister but luckily they don't look anything alike. Imagine if she did--would we let her see the girls for fear that they'd think it was their mother? Would I fear that it was Leah for real, pretending to be Nikki? Gah, thank god they barely even look like sisters, let alone twins. I truly could hardly believe they were related when looking at them side-by-side at the courthouse.
Tomorrow Ken will have Nikki, Gabby, Nikki's boyfriend, and their new baby, Elizabeth, at his house. I have never spent any time with Nikki and I'm very concerned about how she'll act. Laura will not be there. Laura has come to one event, Kate's 2nd birthday party, which occurred two days after the trial to terminate parental rights. She has never responded to our attempts to contact her nor shown up to events like Jane's birthday party.
We have contact with the girls' father's side but, biologically speaking, that's only Jane's father. I have absolutely no plans to try to hunt down Kate's father because my FB stalking shows a very scary guy, plus I just don't think we need to be introducing new people at this point in their lives. Maybe when she's a teen and wants to know more, we'll look for him then.
So, in theory we'd like to have some contact with the girls' maternal side, especially since that's Kate's only real relatives.
And yet...I just can't reconcile myself to Ken. I find it weird that this guy--older guy in his late 60s--wants to spend every weekend with two or three very young girls (from the time they were in diapers) at his house every weekend. He told me the whole story, how they came to seem like his own grandkids. As someone who is currently adopting shouldn't I be able to understand that family ties don't depend on biology?
And yet...the girls' aunt, who is a straight shooter and whose opinion I've come to believe about every person, told me right at the beginning that she had a creepy feeling about Ken getting the girls every weekend.
He's a school bus driver during the school year and works for the DNR in the summer so I know he's been background checked. But lots of crimes go undetected.
When we're around him he's avidly interested in the girls. But...isn't that normal for someone who hasn't seen the girls and wants to see them very badly?
When I told Jane today that we're going to his house tomorrow she became very happy, down right ecstatic. Telling me all about her favorite things to do there (it's all about the toys and playing with Gabby).
Then she said, "And Gabby and I get to sleep in Papa's bed and him, too!"
Except she kinda swallowed the last part so I wasn't sure if I heard it right. I asked and she confirmed that yes, he slept in his bed along with them. Except we've had this conversation before, quite soon after she came here and again about six months ago and those time she said he slept on his couch. She wasn't positive about him sleeping in the bed this time; spoke vaguely and hesitantly. So, was she lying then or now? Or just confused? The girl has a weird memory. Some times so sharp and others totally wrong.
I really don't know what to think, or what is right, anymore.
So, in preparation I've already found an excuse for the girls to not tell him what their names are changing to (just one less identifiable bit of info if we do cut off ties). Thanks god our last name is so awfully hard to pronounce even if the girls said it right he wouldn't be able to spell it.
And now Theo and I are talking about escape plans if it all goes south and we need to get out fast. I'm having bizarro nightmares about Nikki's boyfriend pulling a gun and Nikki kidnapping the girls. Cuz of course my mind goes that dark, that fast.
This is so crazy. And I just wanna be all done with the crazy.
*all names changed for privacy, as usual.
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