Skip to main content

Taking Note

Not gonna lie. The girls saying they didn't love me and didn't want to live here hurt like hell. Especially coming just one day after Kate's sweet moment of saying she loved and wanted, "dis one".

I couldn't sleep that night until I reminded myself that it's actions, not words, when dealing with kids. Especially the littles.

So I took note of how many times today Kate ran up and wrapped her arms around my leg and gave it a hug...just because. Twelve random moments when she needed to make contact and then happily ran off, comforted.

I took note of how many times Jane called me "mama" in casual conversation because it's a big deal that a word that girl refused to use for months has now become something she uses un-selfconsciously.

I made myself sit and smile back each time they looked me in the face and grinned for one of those simple, no-big-deal reasons.

I slowed down to enjoy each cute and funny thing they did. Let myself be mesmerized just like a real mother is by her own children.

There is love here. There is a bond. The words they spoke were about grief, not lack of love. About the terribly unfair world that makes them feel they have to choose.

It is hard, though, to simultaneously be soft and open to them while being thick-skinned and toughened to their behaviors. Really tough.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Lied.

For the very first time I lied to a birth family member. I've been brutally honest even when it caused an uproar. I've been honest because I was personally committed to always telling the truth. Until now. Because this lie may actually be the best way to preserve Jane's relationship with her birth family. At our last video call with Grandma Jane seemed uninterested, unengaged, not showing any real emotion. I struggled to find things to prompt her to talk about. Over the next two weeks I waited and she never asked for another call. In the third week I casually brought up the topic and she did not really respond, certainly didn't ask for another call. Finally, yesterday I point blank asked if she wanted to do a video call and she said the word yes but her whole body language said no. It was clear that she was saying yes because she thought she was supposed to, not because she wanted to. So, I took her body language rather than her words and made the decision that we...
Post a Comment
Read more

Why She Pees...

 Last week the little sister, Kate, got in trouble for peeing herself and then lying about it. She's had a weak bladder her whole life and must be vigilant about going often or she has an accident. If she gets busy playing and nobody reminds her to go, it's inevitable.  I am annoyed at the hassle, but tolerant that it's a medical situation.  Then, tonight I realized Jane smelled like pee. There's no excuse. She can hold it for days if she wants to. She got in trouble (a cold shower to hose off her body). Then I realized her room stank and asked what was going on. She told me she'd been deliberately peeing herself each day for the last three days, "so that you'd smell it and think she did it and then she'd get in trouble."  She's a sociopath.  Who deliberately sits in their own pee for three days for the small thrill of getting their little sister yelled at?  Well, two can play at this manipulation fight. I called Kate into the room and then had...
Post a Comment
Read more

What Chronic Lying Does to a Relationship

 We got through Christmas. It was fine. Jane held it together better than I thought she would. We went to an AirBnB for four days between Christmas and New Year. That was my gift to the rest of the family instead of presents. I gave Theo a break from everything--he did no meals or childcare. It was good. He got to rest and I took the kids to have fun experiences.  Now we're back to normal. The normal that is now our family. Everyone seems happy; content.  But then, two days ago, there was this tiny interaction between Jane and I that illustrates, for me, how broken our relationship is.  She's been complaining that her room is too hot. First, we closed the heat vent to her room. Then, I gave her several blankets so she has options for how warm she wants her bed to be. She has many types of pajamas and she can choose whatever she wants to wear. Her room is frigid compared to the rest of the house. Still, she complains. I think at this point it's just a thing with her--...
Post a Comment
Read more