Skip to main content

She Needs the Guardrails

Jane needs rules.

Over the course of the summer we gradually relaxed her wake-up time rule. It was one of those errosions that happen due to parental fatigue over time.

Last night I decided no more. I explained that she'd lost the privilege of  getting up on her own due to X behaviors that I named with her.

I told her she could not get out of her bed for any reason except to go potty. She was to remain in her bed, silently without waking Kate, until I came to get her.

This morning at 8:00 it was already about an hour later than she'd been getting up on her own and I felt I had to hurry and get her so she wouldn't feel abandoned. I went in there--and she was still asleep.

Lesson: this girl cannot manage her body's most basic physical needs.

She cannot stay asleep when she's tired if there's an opportunity to get up and roam unsupervised. She cannot say no to food when she's full if she sees someone else eating because the jealousy overcomes her. She cannot stop and go potty if she's playing because she doesn't feel the sensation of needing to pee coming from her own nerves.

So, we have to mandate her sleep schedule. We have to tell her when to eat and when to stop and to quit being jealous. We have to remind her to pee.

We are her brain.

At this age that's okay. But I wonder, three years from now let's say, when Kate is given greater privleges than Jane even though she's 18 months younger, how that will play out.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Lied.

For the very first time I lied to a birth family member. I've been brutally honest even when it caused an uproar. I've been honest because I was personally committed to always telling the truth. Until now. Because this lie may actually be the best way to preserve Jane's relationship with her birth family. At our last video call with Grandma Jane seemed uninterested, unengaged, not showing any real emotion. I struggled to find things to prompt her to talk about. Over the next two weeks I waited and she never asked for another call. In the third week I casually brought up the topic and she did not really respond, certainly didn't ask for another call. Finally, yesterday I point blank asked if she wanted to do a video call and she said the word yes but her whole body language said no. It was clear that she was saying yes because she thought she was supposed to, not because she wanted to. So, I took her body language rather than her words and made the decision that we...

Nope, Just Halloween Hades

GRANDMA'S RESPONSE It was fine. Daytime trick or treating at the fairgrounds with Grandma was perfectly fine. She never even asked about school. She never asked about our next get together. In fact, she didn't do much except point out other fun costumes people were wearing.  Here's what I forgot: she's the most conflict averse person I've ever met. She doesn't want to talk about any unpleasant topics. She doesn't want to think about anything unhappy. She wants to live in a childish bubble of candy and cartoons. I don't think she even realizes that kids are old enough to be in Kindergarten. I don't think she even thinks about such things. In fact, she didn't truly talk to the kids that much. She was super happy they gave her hugs at the beginning. She liked the fun of the event and escorting kids was a great way to have fun.  Really, the kids are just props so she can feel like a fun grandma. She doesn't really want a relationship. She wants p...

Separation for Me

 One more note about yesterday. I noticed that when the girls were acting up yesterday I truly was not angry. I felt back in my old EI teacher groove where I could calmly observe and reflect to a student but never feel personally involved in the drama. It felt so nice! The equilibriam I was famous for when teaching but that I've struggled to find in my own home.  Being away was so good for me. Thinking other thoughts; being competent around other smart people. Life affirming to me as a human, not just the mother-drone trapped in a small house doing small things repeatedly all day long.  I absolutely have to have professional level conversation and interactions to maintain my sanity. Essential.