Skip to main content

She Needs the Guardrails

Jane needs rules.

Over the course of the summer we gradually relaxed her wake-up time rule. It was one of those errosions that happen due to parental fatigue over time.

Last night I decided no more. I explained that she'd lost the privilege of  getting up on her own due to X behaviors that I named with her.

I told her she could not get out of her bed for any reason except to go potty. She was to remain in her bed, silently without waking Kate, until I came to get her.

This morning at 8:00 it was already about an hour later than she'd been getting up on her own and I felt I had to hurry and get her so she wouldn't feel abandoned. I went in there--and she was still asleep.

Lesson: this girl cannot manage her body's most basic physical needs.

She cannot stay asleep when she's tired if there's an opportunity to get up and roam unsupervised. She cannot say no to food when she's full if she sees someone else eating because the jealousy overcomes her. She cannot stop and go potty if she's playing because she doesn't feel the sensation of needing to pee coming from her own nerves.

So, we have to mandate her sleep schedule. We have to tell her when to eat and when to stop and to quit being jealous. We have to remind her to pee.

We are her brain.

At this age that's okay. But I wonder, three years from now let's say, when Kate is given greater privleges than Jane even though she's 18 months younger, how that will play out.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Family Visit Success!

Last weekend we did a family visit that was a return to how we'd first begun doing them. Theo and I drove the girls down and stayed and hung out with the family the whole time. The visit was just 1.5 hours long. Aunt made the lovely suggestion that good-byes would happen in the house and not at the car. She even coached grandma to do them quickly. So, we did a quick but sincere good-bye then left. No drama with grandma climbing over seats or Jane wailing from her car seat. And it all worked! Girls were cheerful and chatty on the way home! No nightmares for Jane that night! Kate was even okay--one day of extreme clinginess but then she returned to usual level of attachment-bonding cling! I'm so incredibly relieved! Because what would I have done if this hadn't worked?? I could not bear the thought of telling them we were stopping visits completely not least of all because I truly don't believe that would be the right path, long term. But now I don't have to f...

Separation for Me

 One more note about yesterday. I noticed that when the girls were acting up yesterday I truly was not angry. I felt back in my old EI teacher groove where I could calmly observe and reflect to a student but never feel personally involved in the drama. It felt so nice! The equilibriam I was famous for when teaching but that I've struggled to find in my own home.  Being away was so good for me. Thinking other thoughts; being competent around other smart people. Life affirming to me as a human, not just the mother-drone trapped in a small house doing small things repeatedly all day long.  I absolutely have to have professional level conversation and interactions to maintain my sanity. Essential.

Why She Pees...

 Last week the little sister, Kate, got in trouble for peeing herself and then lying about it. She's had a weak bladder her whole life and must be vigilant about going often or she has an accident. If she gets busy playing and nobody reminds her to go, it's inevitable.  I am annoyed at the hassle, but tolerant that it's a medical situation.  Then, tonight I realized Jane smelled like pee. There's no excuse. She can hold it for days if she wants to. She got in trouble (a cold shower to hose off her body). Then I realized her room stank and asked what was going on. She told me she'd been deliberately peeing herself each day for the last three days, "so that you'd smell it and think she did it and then she'd get in trouble."  She's a sociopath.  Who deliberately sits in their own pee for three days for the small thrill of getting their little sister yelled at?  Well, two can play at this manipulation fight. I called Kate into the room and then had...