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A Typical Day with Jane

It's 2:15 and I've already run through the full gamut of daily experiences with Jane so I thought I'd use these, while they're fresh in my mind, to highlight what it's like to live with this particular child.

Annoying Behavior She Knows Not To Do
  • 7am she's at my bedside saying, "Mama, can I go downstairs?" I say yes. (This happens every morning and is a nut I cannot crack. We used to have her stay and play in her room when she awoke but now she wakes up Kate. Then I let her go downstairs without asking but then I discovered she was waking up super early for the delight of getting into mischief unsupervised downstairs. Now if she wakes me then at least I can either send her back to sleep if it's too early or roll out of bed soon after her.)
  • This morning Theo was already downstairs so I told her to go and stayed in bed to try to sleep some more. 
  • 7:30am she's at my bedside saying, "Mama, can I feed the cats?" Now I'm pissed. I'd just gotten back to sleep. Theo was there and should've been the one she asked. The cats usually eat around 9am and can be ignored. This is purely done to pester me because she just wants me up and all to herself. 
  • I send her out of my room without an answer about the cats and a warning to not disturb me again. But now I'm angry and awake. Dammit I needed sleep today. 
  • Spend my morning going over with her, again, the rules about when she can wake me and when she cannot (cats are NOT an emergency) and then silently fuming about how she gets under my skin and trying, again, to think of ways to solve this problem. 
  • All my mental energy on her and not on anyone else--just the way she likes it.

 Calm, Appropriate, Interesting Behavior
  • While getting her dressed for church she is cheerful, polite, kind to Kate, and helpful and independent by putting on her own shoes.
  • While I'm doing her hair she asks interesting questions and we have a good conversation. 
  • She looks cute and happy skipping out the door to get in the car. 
  • The family mood is calm and content.

Areas of Growth and Understanding I'm Relieved to See
  •  Theo took the kids to the park after church to give me time to clean. I spent 4 straight hours going through all their toys and yet again regrouping things into the latest, greatest tub system that is sure to be easy to maintain and never to fail so that our house stays picked up every day always even when everything is falling apart. 
  • While at the park Jane pooped her underwear. She had at least said she needed to go and was almost to the bathroom but didn't make it in time. (Theo just threw her underwear away--sometimes I wish I was a guy and thought of the easiest solution during frustrating times.) Theo told me this when we got home but out of her hearing so she didn't know that I knew.
  • I decided to use this as an opportunity to reinforce lying vs. telling the truth. She's been lying a lot lately--especially when she thinks her lie will get Kate in trouble. Theo had already dealt with her at the park so I wasn't going to punish her so it was the perfect chance to only give a consequence for lying vs truth telling and not confuse her with consequences for the actual behavior. 
  • I took her in her room and gently reminded her that she only gets in trouble for lying and I want her to tell the truth. Then I asked her what happened at the park. It took about five minutes of evasive speech merging on half-lies but I finally got her to say the truth. She's incredibly clever...testing the waters with small bits of information, gradually circling closer to the truth, but like a deer ready to bolt, always giving herself an out. 
    • Talking about the slide and swings then, "They have a potty there," and giving me a side-eye glance to see what I think. 
    • "And then somehow my underwear got dirty."
    • "I peed my underwear." 
    • Crying hard: "There was poop, too!" 
  • After each statement she'd shy away and try to change the subject but then I'd prompt her with gentle encouragement back to the topic. I wouldn't let her stop until she'd actually said there was poop. Then I immediately praised her and hugged her and enthused about how proud I was that she told the truth and what a good girl she was. She was beaming with joy!! I talked about how hard it was to tell the truth about sad things but how proud it made me that she didn't lie. 
  • Then I took her downstairs and gave her a popsicle (a special treat Kate got yesterday but Jane did not due to lying).  
  • So, that's our first victory in the area of lying. I think that's the first time she's actually told me something without me finally giving up over her refusal and just saying the words first and her repeating them. I'm glad to see she's starting to understand and I hope today's warm hugs and the treat will reinforce that it truly is better to tell the truth.  `
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