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Family Ties?

I got a phone call that my grandmother is not doing well. She's been moved into a home and likely will not live much longer. She says she just wants to go to sleep and not wake up. She just turned 96. My grandpa died 15 years ago. She's had a long life and is ready.

I told Seth and Gus and they are upset. Gus, especially, was close to her and loved our annual visit to see grandma. But the younger three do not know her. James last saw her at age 2 and the girls have never met her.

We're going up next weekend to visit and, I imagine, most likely say good-bye. I'm wrestling with what to say to her.

I've sent her letters and pictures of the girls. I think she's fairly aware but at this stage in her life she can't possibly really care that I've brought two more great-grandchildren into her life. I'm not even sure, at this point, how many great-grandchildren and even great-great-grandchildren she already has. (My dad was one of seven kids.)

So, I need to say my good-byes. Seth and Gus need their time with her. The three littles can make a cameo and we can try to get a picture but overall shouldn't be allowed to distract from the seriousness of this moment for the older boys and I. How do I juggle all of this in a nursing home room? With Theo back home working and me on my own with all five kids?

This blending of our family into one unit with five kids all needing such different things taxes me in ways I probably couldn't ever have prepared for.

Gus will need my time and attention the most. He will need to cry and talk. This is a deeply emotional and important event for him. He is opting to miss his best friend's party in order to do this visit.

I don't know how to navigate my son through grief. This will be the first loss he truly experiences. I remember the intense pain of losing my great-grandmother whom I loved with a child's purity. It was the first time that I understood what the loss of a generation means to the family. All that history and lived experience just gone forever. And only then you realize all the questions you should've asked.


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