Skip to main content

Whose Team Are They On?

Yesterday both girls got in some trouble. Nothing big but each girl did a few squirrely things that needed to be addressed with a time out, or an I'm sorry, or a bit of restorative justice, i.e. cleaning up that spill.

As a result last night's bedtime was extremely brief. Pajamas, teeth, tucked in--I was too tired for prayers and cuddles. It was just one of those evenings where everyone needed some space...me most of all.

This morning the girls were glad to get up but not especially cuddly with me. After breakfast the three of them went off and played with each other. This continued all day. There was none of the usual competition for my attention and subsequent jealousy.

At first I silently cheered. Has the insane jealousy train finally run out of steam?

Now I'm wondering. Can they only align themselves with one relationship at a time?

Is this their pattern? Play with each other when the adults are unavailable or unsafe. Fight over the adult's attention when the adults are available and safe.  

Has that old pattern morphed into a new version in our house: play with each other when we don't like and/or are angry with the adult?

I remember reading some article about how to promote sibling harmony. One tip was subtly cueing the kids to team up together against the parent in little, harmless ways. Obviously this needs to be done extremely gently in our home during this time of just beginning to establish relationships.

But, it's something to think about. Maybe some board games where they have to team up to win?

Because I really, really, really need them to stop fighting each other for my attention 24/7. It makes me frazzled and short-tempered in a way that no other behavior can.


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Family Visit Success!

Last weekend we did a family visit that was a return to how we'd first begun doing them. Theo and I drove the girls down and stayed and hung out with the family the whole time. The visit was just 1.5 hours long. Aunt made the lovely suggestion that good-byes would happen in the house and not at the car. She even coached grandma to do them quickly. So, we did a quick but sincere good-bye then left. No drama with grandma climbing over seats or Jane wailing from her car seat. And it all worked! Girls were cheerful and chatty on the way home! No nightmares for Jane that night! Kate was even okay--one day of extreme clinginess but then she returned to usual level of attachment-bonding cling! I'm so incredibly relieved! Because what would I have done if this hadn't worked?? I could not bear the thought of telling them we were stopping visits completely not least of all because I truly don't believe that would be the right path, long term. But now I don't have to f...
Post a Comment
Read more

Halloween Hell

 Tomorrow the kids will do a daytime Trunk or Treat event with Grandma. I suggested the outing about two months ago, chose the event, coordinated a meeting place with her, bought the kids costumes, prepped them for it, and now it's happening. I did it all. And I am dreading it with every fiber in my being. All this week my mood has been sliding downhill the closer it gets.  I hate meet ups with Grandma. There was a time when I hated them less, now I hate them with visceral dread. Why? Because I don't want Grandma to know where the girls are in school.  It was a huge mistake to tell her our home address and last name. A few weeks after we did that I got a phone call from a relative telling me about Grandma sneaking her son back into other grandchildren's lives. The relative warned me to "look in the back seat of her car" in case she was hiding him in there when she came to visit us. Needless to say, she was never invited to our house again.  So, what do I do? Yes, ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Turning Two in a Tutu

Kate turns two this week! After sixteen years of boys I'm going a little over the top with the pink and fluff but I just can't hold back. And with pictures like these, even minute of planning and prep was worth it! She loves to play dress up and have tea parties with her stuffed animals. She's so adorable! Jane and James are 3 and a half so I decided we needed to celebrate their half birthdays, too. Any excuse for a cupcake!
Post a Comment
Read more