Skip to main content

THREE Toddlers. THREE!

The tattling, whining, jealousy, crying, hitting, stealing toys and general societal breakdown reached a fever pitch this past week. Too much Easter candy? Too many cooped up rainy days? Too much focus on my part of being hyper-fair and distributing attention constantly setting up a lose-lose scenario where everyone demands more, more, more and nobody is satisfied?

Yeah, I'm betting on the last one, but who knows, whatever the reason it was ridiculous.

So, today I went old school and instituted my grandmother's One Minute Think It Over Face-Off. My mother tells me she and her sister had to do this all the time. It works like this:
  • if children fight, whine, tattle or generally annoy the adult,
  • place children in room facing each other with no toys or distractions,
  • announce they're going to sit for one minute while they think about how to play nicely,
  • release whenever the hell you want to (they can't tell time and I aint gonna bother with a timer all day long)
After about 3 rounds each the kids are seriously reconsidering whether the fussing and tattling is worth it.

Theo was in the kitchen making his lunch about an hour after I started it. I barked, "One Minute Think It Over!" at the two offenders and they immediately dropped what they were doing, sat in their spots, and went silent. About 40 seconds later I asked if they were ready to play nicely (they always say yes) and told them to go play. He was duly impressed with the speed of compliance.

(It helps that I'm a firm disciplinarian to begin with so there was no fighting the system itself. Because I said it, it was going to happen...we've already established that over the past few months.)

But I think the reason it really works is because it puts the decision-making in the kid's hands. They can decide if the situation is worth fussing over, etc. And, because an offender does have to serve some time it provides justice for the tattler if they really want it. But, with the caveat that the tattler will have to serve the same time--so, is it worth it?

It also satisfies my own sense of justice because I cannot always sort out who really started it. The tattler may have set up the tattled upon unfairly. So, if I punish both then I'm addressing that behavior, too.

I altered the system slightly for the 2 yr old who is more likely to throw a tantrum about what I say rather than what the others do. She protested when I wouldn't let her pester me while I was working. I put her in another room where she couldn't see me and told her she could get up as soon as she stopped crying.

She sat on the floor in the kitchen and wailed in protest for a good 3 minutes, then wound down for another 1 minute and finally went silent before announcing, "Mommy, all done crying!" I said okay and told her to go play.

One more repetition of that whole scenario about 10 minutes later and she'd gotten the message and hasn't tantrumed again even when I had to correct the same initial behavior (pestering me while I worked) a third time.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Lied.

For the very first time I lied to a birth family member. I've been brutally honest even when it caused an uproar. I've been honest because I was personally committed to always telling the truth. Until now. Because this lie may actually be the best way to preserve Jane's relationship with her birth family. At our last video call with Grandma Jane seemed uninterested, unengaged, not showing any real emotion. I struggled to find things to prompt her to talk about. Over the next two weeks I waited and she never asked for another call. In the third week I casually brought up the topic and she did not really respond, certainly didn't ask for another call. Finally, yesterday I point blank asked if she wanted to do a video call and she said the word yes but her whole body language said no. It was clear that she was saying yes because she thought she was supposed to, not because she wanted to. So, I took her body language rather than her words and made the decision that we...

Why She Pees...

 Last week the little sister, Kate, got in trouble for peeing herself and then lying about it. She's had a weak bladder her whole life and must be vigilant about going often or she has an accident. If she gets busy playing and nobody reminds her to go, it's inevitable.  I am annoyed at the hassle, but tolerant that it's a medical situation.  Then, tonight I realized Jane smelled like pee. There's no excuse. She can hold it for days if she wants to. She got in trouble (a cold shower to hose off her body). Then I realized her room stank and asked what was going on. She told me she'd been deliberately peeing herself each day for the last three days, "so that you'd smell it and think she did it and then she'd get in trouble."  She's a sociopath.  Who deliberately sits in their own pee for three days for the small thrill of getting their little sister yelled at?  Well, two can play at this manipulation fight. I called Kate into the room and then had...

Nope, Just Halloween Hades

GRANDMA'S RESPONSE It was fine. Daytime trick or treating at the fairgrounds with Grandma was perfectly fine. She never even asked about school. She never asked about our next get together. In fact, she didn't do much except point out other fun costumes people were wearing.  Here's what I forgot: she's the most conflict averse person I've ever met. She doesn't want to talk about any unpleasant topics. She doesn't want to think about anything unhappy. She wants to live in a childish bubble of candy and cartoons. I don't think she even realizes that kids are old enough to be in Kindergarten. I don't think she even thinks about such things. In fact, she didn't truly talk to the kids that much. She was super happy they gave her hugs at the beginning. She liked the fun of the event and escorting kids was a great way to have fun.  Really, the kids are just props so she can feel like a fun grandma. She doesn't really want a relationship. She wants p...