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The Good

I was thinking that I haven't focused on the positive in quite some time. I was so wrapped up in the stress and uncertainty surrounding the trial and then Kate's birthday party that I haven't been enjoying the girls, or anyone in the family for that matter.

So, here is an ode to all things wonderful about Jane and Kate.

Okay, they're adorable. Jane has huge blue eyes and porcelain skin in a heart shaped face. Her long dark brown hair is silky straight and shines in the sun. The ragged edges have grown out and I've learned how to manage the cowlicks so that each day I can do a cute hairdo. She's lost her too-hard, too-tight, trying-to-please smile and now grins a genuine smile full of joy. She's one of those people who looks even better in pictures than in real life. I wouldn't be surprised if with her looks and height somehow she finds her way into modeling at some point (though that isn't a path I'd push a daughter of mine into, if she wanted to do it I wouldn't stop her).

Kate is just as adorable but in all different ways. She is pure pudgy squeeziness. Everyone says, "I just want to smush those cheeks!" She has the same fair skin but her eyes are hazel and her hair is light brown and has a little curl to it. She has a button nose in a round face. And she is all character! That girl has more expressions and attitude than any 2 yr old I've ever met. She loves being funny and will announce, "Funny!" before she does something she thinks is entertaining (and it usually is). I usually do her hair in two pony tails above her ears that curl into natural ringlets. They bounce as she runs and it suits her personality perfectly.

They are genuinely kindhearted. They love each other and give hugs all day long. There is much distress and commiserating if someone gets hurt. They play amazingly well together given their ages. They even play well with James. I actually like having them all so close in age because their interests are identical and they entertain each other.

Both girls are thrilled when they get to be helpers. Setting the table, feeding the cats, picking up toys...I've never seen kids so excited to do a task. They soak up the praise (which I am lavish with) and practically glow with delight.

I've noticed that Kate already has the natural desire to straighten up. She closes doors and drawers and tucks in blankets. The thought that I could finally live with children who contribute to order instead of chaos is so deeply exciting I can barely stand it.

They are willing to try anything. I haven't encountered anything yet that they seemed frightened of. We go on car trips to the zoo or bowling alley or restaurants or parks and they're enthused about it all. And no car sickness! 

I also have to remind myself how nicely they've begun to fit into our family. In day to day life we're on the quiet, cerebral side. We each like to read and have our time alone.  Our idea of a party is a board game marathon. At first Jane was all frenetic energy. She couldn't sit still or stand a quiet room. It was a shock to our household. But I quickly learned that she simply craved guidance and filled the void because she felt the void so keenly. She wants to know "the rules" and soaks up methods of behavior. If I tell her something, e.g. when other people are talking we wait our turn to talk, then she will repeat that "rule" at least 20 times. And she'll remember it and attempt to teach it to someone else at a later point.

While I can see little signs of the effects of their past I realize that it's because I now know them well and I'm looking pretty hard. In general they are happy, loving, strong, healthy girls.

I had no idea that our first foster placement would be our last. I had no idea we'd get so lucky with these particular children who fit into our family so well.

It all could've been so much harder. We went to a foster care support group and I learned about the 1 yr old who screamed, "F*ck You!" every time they tried to change his diaper. It was the first moment when I realized we'd never heard any cuss words from the girls. (And I don't know how they didn't absorb it given what I've heard their family members say.)

Now that things are more stable I can feel myself relaxing and settling into enjoying these girls who are on the path to becoming my daughters. It's a sweet moment. 
 

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