Skip to main content

O Happy Day

Today was a good day for no discernible reason. But let us celebrate every good thing.

The sun was out. About 11am I asked the three littles if they wanted to go outside and they cheered. I scrambled them through potty breaks and then into snowpants, boots, mittens, coats, and hats in record time. They piled outside and then explored the whole front yard, bending thick at the waist to pick up sticks and pluck dried stalks of grass like astronauts just landed on the moon. It was 34 degrees but it felt balmy and lovely.

They came inside sweaty-headed and red-cheeked. Oohed over hot chocolate with marshmallows. Guzzled down a thick bean soup without complaint and then collapsed about the house with bulging bellies like old men who've explored and foraged to their fill.

I put on a cartoon and didn't care that I was starting screen time 6 hrs too early. We were all still in our pajamas, after all. I'd been down with the flu for the past two days and figured they were all about to get sick anytime. Bring on a day in pj's...it'll save some laundry.

They were so darn cute at every turn. I set Jane and Kate on the couch, gathered some toys, and said we were going to play a game. I called it the "Use My Words" game in a highly original turn of phrase. Then we role-played saying plain, explicit statements like, "Can I have the cow?" before handing each other the cow. They will do absolutely anything for attention, including playing the most non-fun game ever. Huge grins, no whining, full appropriate sentences out of Jane and adorable, "Cow! Peez!" out of Kate.

The best thing about Jane is that she really is a blank slate and a willing learner. She truly does absorb every lesson and then follow through. Later today, when faced with a moment when she would've whined and pouted silently she chose instead to say what she needed and, when it was given to her, exclaim with a happy smile, "I used my words! And it worked!"

Sometimes I get so bogged down in what isn't working that I forget to simply teach them the behaviors I want to see.

We have a family visit tomorrow. In preparation the girls got baths one night early and then I did their nails. The nail polish was given to Jane by her grandma at the last visit. I wanted to show grandma that we appreciate her and her gifts so I put it on both girls.

Pure, unfettered joy from Jane! That girl loves what she loves with a purity of heart that is deeply endearing. Her nails had been painted when she came. She said her mom did it just before they were taken away. I imagine it was the last thing they did together before the big event that caused the girls to be taken. She associated nail polish with so many things--her mom, the big event, love, loss. I didn't want to jump into all that with a new experience too soon.

I'd told her that if she quit chewing her nails then we'd paint them. She finally let them grow out, to my surprise--such a difficult habit to break. I was so proud of her and told her so many times while we painted them! I hope that now she associates nail polish with accomplishment, pride, love and attention.

Since coming here she's almost completely quit stuttering (shows up in about 2-3% of speech and only when referring to bio family or her past). She's quit twisting and breaking her hair. They tell me she had such knots they'd have to cut them out and that she had bald spots from breakage. I've never once seen her twist her hair. And she'd bite her nails until they were constantly red and bleeding. That continued for several months and only quit in the last few weeks.

Calm, happy days like this Theo and I remind each other of their growth. Jane has stabilized, emotionally, in so many ways.

And Kate is bonding with a fervor that is almost daunting. Theo picked her up today and she wrapped both her pudgy little arms around his neck and buried her face against his chest. Her whole body went as limp as a newborn as she settled into his arms. This is what she does every time now. It's a whole body experience that she seeks at least 10 times a day from us.

She did not allow herself to be hugged or even held on our laps for the first month after she came. She never seemed distressed, just too busy to bother. I truly thought that was her personality. This new affection is taking me by surprise. And making me sad for the lonely little girl who craved affection but couldn't accept it for so long.

When I tried to keep the kids at bay for the past two days to spare them my germs she had none of it! Wild temper tantrums would ensue if she was kept away from me. I tried to hide out in my room but the determined little thing figured out how to open my door and snuck away from whomever was watching her to check on me at least once an hour. She just needed to come in, chirp, "Hi, mommy!" climb on the bed for a few seconds, and then she was content to climb down and toddle on her way.

It was a good day. Spring-is-coming-sunlight, marshmallows, games, bubbly bathtime, and squeals of delight over sparkly nail polish. They have come such a long way. It's getting easier.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Family Visit Success!

Last weekend we did a family visit that was a return to how we'd first begun doing them. Theo and I drove the girls down and stayed and hung out with the family the whole time. The visit was just 1.5 hours long. Aunt made the lovely suggestion that good-byes would happen in the house and not at the car. She even coached grandma to do them quickly. So, we did a quick but sincere good-bye then left. No drama with grandma climbing over seats or Jane wailing from her car seat. And it all worked! Girls were cheerful and chatty on the way home! No nightmares for Jane that night! Kate was even okay--one day of extreme clinginess but then she returned to usual level of attachment-bonding cling! I'm so incredibly relieved! Because what would I have done if this hadn't worked?? I could not bear the thought of telling them we were stopping visits completely not least of all because I truly don't believe that would be the right path, long term. But now I don't have to f...

Separation for Me

 One more note about yesterday. I noticed that when the girls were acting up yesterday I truly was not angry. I felt back in my old EI teacher groove where I could calmly observe and reflect to a student but never feel personally involved in the drama. It felt so nice! The equilibriam I was famous for when teaching but that I've struggled to find in my own home.  Being away was so good for me. Thinking other thoughts; being competent around other smart people. Life affirming to me as a human, not just the mother-drone trapped in a small house doing small things repeatedly all day long.  I absolutely have to have professional level conversation and interactions to maintain my sanity. Essential.

Why She Pees...

 Last week the little sister, Kate, got in trouble for peeing herself and then lying about it. She's had a weak bladder her whole life and must be vigilant about going often or she has an accident. If she gets busy playing and nobody reminds her to go, it's inevitable.  I am annoyed at the hassle, but tolerant that it's a medical situation.  Then, tonight I realized Jane smelled like pee. There's no excuse. She can hold it for days if she wants to. She got in trouble (a cold shower to hose off her body). Then I realized her room stank and asked what was going on. She told me she'd been deliberately peeing herself each day for the last three days, "so that you'd smell it and think she did it and then she'd get in trouble."  She's a sociopath.  Who deliberately sits in their own pee for three days for the small thrill of getting their little sister yelled at?  Well, two can play at this manipulation fight. I called Kate into the room and then had...