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Jane's Cuddle Day

Finally, for the very first time in the 3+ months since she arrived, Jane initiated real, meaningful, lengthy cuddle sessions.

I'm still feeling crudy from the flu so I spent a lot of today on the couch watching the Great British Baking Show on Netflix. Several times Jane came over and crawled up on my lap. Sometimes she talked about yesterday's visit and other times she was quiet. I followed her lead and was quiet or responsive based on her.

Why today?

I guess if I reflect back there have been little signs that she's bonding with us. (And maybe I was distracted because Kate all of a sudden began bonding fast and furious--doing all emotional stages from about 9 months through 24 months simultaneously, and adamantly demanding that I solve all the needs in all those stages--which has been exhausting and all-absorbing.) Maybe I thought Jane would be the same way but instead it's just going to be a more gradual, subtle process for her.
  • She coped well with the visit yesterday. She was excited, but not anxious before we got there. When it was time to go she said okay and got her stuff on without complaint. It was her smoothest transition to/from any visit so far. Is she secure with the visit schedule now? She LOVES her visual calendar and marking it off every night.
  • She's been having lots of conversations with me lately. She seems more comfortable expressing her feelings. Is that greater comfort with me or greater understanding of her emotions?
  • We say prayers every evening which is simply me saying, "Dear Jesus we pray for..." and then her supplying the name. I never correct or prompt her but let it be a true time where she expresses the names of people who are on her heart. For the last 3-4 weeks I've noticed that she keeps forgetting to pray for her birth mother (who she now calls Mama Leanne* instead of plain Mama) and instead she prays for me. She calls me either Miss Beth (the first name I gave her the day she arrived) or Mama (the name Kate has always called me). Is it possible that she has truly relegated her birth mother to peripheral status and sees me as her mother? If so, that was frighteningly fast and makes me grieve that there was ever such a fragile mother-daughter bond between them.
  •  She's finally adopting the, "I'm a strong, smart girl" script I've been giving her for weeks. I heard her say it to herself today while she was struggling with a zipper. Then she caught herself saying it aloud and looked over at me. I grinned back at her. It was a special moment we shared. Is my parenting style taking hold and becoming the dominant way she views herself? Is that actually what familial bonding really is?
I doubt I'll ever know exactly how we got to today but I'm glad it's here. Her body felt relaxed and comfortable as she wiggled and wedged herself into a position she liked. She was in full contact with me and allowed me to have an arm around her, patting her back or stroking her hair. It felt just like how all my kids have cuddled on the couch watching TV with me. Normal. Easy. Nice. 

*names always changed for privacy

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