Today was Kate's 2nd birthday party. We'd planned it long ago to be a chance for family who hadn't seen the girls in awhile to see them and also to meet us.
During the trial some family members were there and tempers were running high. I began to regret getting them all together just two days later and considered cancelling the whole thing.
On the drive there we strategized and had back-up plans including calling the police. Never in my life have I had to think this way. We left Gus and James at home just so they wouldn't have to witness anything...and Theo and I wouldn't have to think about getting them out of there quickly if it came to that. Only Seth came to take pictures.
In the end everything was fine. The angry members did not come--proving yet again that they live for their own drama and self-absorption and cannot consider what the children may want or need.
We had maternal grandma (Laura) and her ex-boyfriend (Ken) there. Ken has been one of the most kind and stable people in the girls' lives. He regularly took them to his house every weekend, along with their cousins, and gave them a safe place to be. I'm grateful to him for the girls' sakes. But equally baffled by the family dynamics. I can't imagine, as a mother, regularly handing over my two young girls for an entire weekend to an older man who was no relation and yet maintained an unexplained interest in them. And yet no one seemed to even question it.
We also had paternal grandma and aunt and her kids there. I've become close to aunt and trust her. She was a huge help throughout the party--doing the decorations and cake, etc.
Paternal grandma is always highly emotional. She's either ecstatically happy or crying crocodile tears. We've learned that she says she's going to contest our adoption and try to get the girls herself. So, imagine my surprise to overhear her talking to maternal grandma about how great we are, naming specific details of events we've done with the girls. She simply could not resist being the important person in the room who knew all about us and how we treat the girls.
The girls did great. They were polite and cheerful. Thinking back to Christmas when opening gifts was a mad grab that quickly devolved into meltdowns, I realized how far the girls have come. Even Ken commented on how much more emotionally stable they seemed. He said, "They're so calm...and...well, balanced, I guess is the way to say it."
And the sweetest moments that I've been waiting for finally happened. At different moments each girl turned to me, called me Mama, and wanted me to hold them or help them.
It was almost magical to have that feeling when I sensed they wanted me and I turned to see their lifted faces scanning the crowd and looking for me. Then, our eyes connected and they called, "Mama?" with the full expectation that I would come. It was an everyday moment we experience a hundred times each day at home...but to feel that connection while amongst all these people who've been their caretakers during their lives felt like our family was coming together.
Kate was adorable today. She kept saying, "Happy day me?" And holding up three fingers while saying, "I two!"
I am relieved. We had a lovely day for the girls and took lots of pictures of them with important people from their lives. It honestly couldn't have gone any better.
During the trial some family members were there and tempers were running high. I began to regret getting them all together just two days later and considered cancelling the whole thing.
On the drive there we strategized and had back-up plans including calling the police. Never in my life have I had to think this way. We left Gus and James at home just so they wouldn't have to witness anything...and Theo and I wouldn't have to think about getting them out of there quickly if it came to that. Only Seth came to take pictures.
In the end everything was fine. The angry members did not come--proving yet again that they live for their own drama and self-absorption and cannot consider what the children may want or need.
We had maternal grandma (Laura) and her ex-boyfriend (Ken) there. Ken has been one of the most kind and stable people in the girls' lives. He regularly took them to his house every weekend, along with their cousins, and gave them a safe place to be. I'm grateful to him for the girls' sakes. But equally baffled by the family dynamics. I can't imagine, as a mother, regularly handing over my two young girls for an entire weekend to an older man who was no relation and yet maintained an unexplained interest in them. And yet no one seemed to even question it.
We also had paternal grandma and aunt and her kids there. I've become close to aunt and trust her. She was a huge help throughout the party--doing the decorations and cake, etc.
Paternal grandma is always highly emotional. She's either ecstatically happy or crying crocodile tears. We've learned that she says she's going to contest our adoption and try to get the girls herself. So, imagine my surprise to overhear her talking to maternal grandma about how great we are, naming specific details of events we've done with the girls. She simply could not resist being the important person in the room who knew all about us and how we treat the girls.
The girls did great. They were polite and cheerful. Thinking back to Christmas when opening gifts was a mad grab that quickly devolved into meltdowns, I realized how far the girls have come. Even Ken commented on how much more emotionally stable they seemed. He said, "They're so calm...and...well, balanced, I guess is the way to say it."
And the sweetest moments that I've been waiting for finally happened. At different moments each girl turned to me, called me Mama, and wanted me to hold them or help them.
It was almost magical to have that feeling when I sensed they wanted me and I turned to see their lifted faces scanning the crowd and looking for me. Then, our eyes connected and they called, "Mama?" with the full expectation that I would come. It was an everyday moment we experience a hundred times each day at home...but to feel that connection while amongst all these people who've been their caretakers during their lives felt like our family was coming together.
Kate was adorable today. She kept saying, "Happy day me?" And holding up three fingers while saying, "I two!"
I am relieved. We had a lovely day for the girls and took lots of pictures of them with important people from their lives. It honestly couldn't have gone any better.
Comments
Post a Comment