We are on vacation. Half-way in and this may be the best family vacation we've ever had. Because everyone is just too tired to care. We're grateful for anything. Even sitting in a sterile hotel room all day long; even walking around a mediocre historical site on a cold, rainy day; even touring an upholstery museum is better than being home neck-deep in foster care land. This feels like those days after a newborn arrives and you're grateful just for a shower...except the whole family is in the midst of this emotional exhaustion, not just the mom.
We left the girls at our house with my mom. They've met her twice before and adore anyone called, "grandma" since their grandmothers have spoiled them rotten. I don't think they even cared that we left.
(I know they didn't care. I made a calendar with visuals and talked about our trip for three days leading up to it. No reaction. No interest. These girls have lived in chaos for too long to expect anything other than people moving in and out of their lives. They show every sign of R.A.D. I know we're going to pay for this later.)
But, this post isn't about them. This is about our emotional fatigue.
Getting away with just Seth, Gus and James reminds me how easy it is to be with our own children. I kept looking around at them and thinking how much I liked them. Just plain liked being around them.
I didn't know that the hardest part of foster care would be living with strangers 24/7. I didn't think little children could seem so strange. I didn't even know how strongly ingrained our family's culture was until I had to deal with the aftermath of someone not knowing it every minute of the day, followed by my emotional fall-out when I second-guessed my reaction, and probably the emotional fall-out from some other child when I took out my stress on one of them. Rinse and repeat.
We're in this for the long haul and we need to move beyond survival stage. We need to settle into a method for coping with the daily surprise. Because these girls are too comfortable with chaos.
So this break needs to work. I need to refresh. I need to go back with perspective and a plan. I need to stop reacting to every thing and instead proactively setting the stage for the behaviors we expect.
I need to make every single day the same as the day before. Apply consequences. Reward results. Be consistent. Be prepared. Keep things interesting enough so that they're engaged but not stressed. Set everyone, myself included, up for success. In short, I need to become the special ed teacher for children with behavior disorders in my own home.
Yep, I needed this vacation.
We left the girls at our house with my mom. They've met her twice before and adore anyone called, "grandma" since their grandmothers have spoiled them rotten. I don't think they even cared that we left.
(I know they didn't care. I made a calendar with visuals and talked about our trip for three days leading up to it. No reaction. No interest. These girls have lived in chaos for too long to expect anything other than people moving in and out of their lives. They show every sign of R.A.D. I know we're going to pay for this later.)
But, this post isn't about them. This is about our emotional fatigue.
Getting away with just Seth, Gus and James reminds me how easy it is to be with our own children. I kept looking around at them and thinking how much I liked them. Just plain liked being around them.
I didn't know that the hardest part of foster care would be living with strangers 24/7. I didn't think little children could seem so strange. I didn't even know how strongly ingrained our family's culture was until I had to deal with the aftermath of someone not knowing it every minute of the day, followed by my emotional fall-out when I second-guessed my reaction, and probably the emotional fall-out from some other child when I took out my stress on one of them. Rinse and repeat.
We're in this for the long haul and we need to move beyond survival stage. We need to settle into a method for coping with the daily surprise. Because these girls are too comfortable with chaos.
So this break needs to work. I need to refresh. I need to go back with perspective and a plan. I need to stop reacting to every thing and instead proactively setting the stage for the behaviors we expect.
I need to make every single day the same as the day before. Apply consequences. Reward results. Be consistent. Be prepared. Keep things interesting enough so that they're engaged but not stressed. Set everyone, myself included, up for success. In short, I need to become the special ed teacher for children with behavior disorders in my own home.
Yep, I needed this vacation.
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