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A Major Shift

Today was a huge day. And it came out of the blue. One of those completely average days when suddenly you open a little email that shifts your whole world.

Here's some background: Jane and Kate came to us about 2.5 months ago. They were taken from their mother's home for the usual reasons kids come into foster care. Since that day we've been told an ever evolving series of futures to expect as the social workers got more information from CPS and after specific court events. A frustrating but understandable, and expected, part of doing foster care.

First expectation: girls would be with us 6-9 months and then reunified with mom.

Second expectation: girls were leaving within 1-2 weeks to live with aunt and uncle who would either foster or adopt.

Next expectation: girls were staying with us until definitive court ruling on parental rights in order to provide stability; but, if rights terminated then would go to live with aunt and uncle immediately to begin adoption process.

And then today's bombshell: aunt and uncle have backed out of asking for placement of the girls and have specifically asked that the girls stay with us but that they and grandma remain a part of the girls' lives.

So, that's it. We either have them for at least 6-9 months and then reunify with mother; or we adopt.

The parental rights termination trial is set for about 6 weeks from now. Assuming it isn't delayed, as it has been twice before, we will know then what path we're on.

The trial date is two days before Kate's 2nd Birthday. It's possible that at the party...I could be looking at her like she is my daughter. It is a daunting thought.

It is a heart-bursting, tear-welling, I-feel-so-fragile kind of thought.

And the girls have no idea. I can't say anything to them at this point because there is so much uncertainty and it's all beyond their maturity and language abilities anyway. If we know we're going to adopt I'll buy books and start having that kind of conversation for the months leading up to their adoption. But I put them to bed today in the same old usual way on this day when one little email shifted the trajectory of their entire lives.

Because this is what moms do. We keep on plugging away at the laundry and teeth brushing even when whole lives have just been changed in an instant.

I will absorb the uncertainty and scariness while shielding you with comfort and security. If that isn't mothering then I don't know what is.
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