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Parenting the Multi-Age Child

We were at a family reunion last weekend. There was a pool out back and a road out front and I couldn't see both places at the same time. So, my husband and I took turns essentially gluing the girls to our sides.

(Even with this level of precaution Kate smeared poop all over the relative's pristine bathroom in an attempt to go potty "by SELF!" as she adamantly insists now. And, Jane fell about five feet from one tree branch to another and got wedged in the tree and needed to be rescued by several big boy cousins and is full of cuts and scrapes today.

This was all under Theo's watch, of course, while I chatted with the ladies. No poop or scrapes while I was on duty! Just sayin')

Anyway, so my mom notices that we've got eagle eyes on the girls while James wanders around totally unsupervised or only under the care of his 12 yr old brother when he's in the pool. Why the double standard?

Here was my explanation: Jane is like a 1 yr old child in both her driving curiosity and utter lack of logic or ability to reason. Just like a 1 yr old she will see something shiny and go towards it at full speed with no thought to safety. The difference is that a 1 yr old is still pretty slow and clumsy and usually the parent has time to intervene. Jane, meanwhile, is almost 4 and as tall and fast as a 5 yr old (which is what most people think she is).

So: we have speed and curiosity and impulsivity...with no concept of danger.

Today Gus took a plastic bag away from her because, yes, she was putting it over her head. I stood there and thought: I always thought that was the silliest warning; my boys never put a bag over their head and even if they did they wouldn't be clueless enough to actually suffocate themselves.

Well, she would. I could easily envision her getting "lost" inside a plastic bag and not being able to figure out how to get it off; then panicking....

She's in a 5 yr old body as a 3 yr old with the mind of a 1 yr old but life experiences of a 10 yr old.

No wonder I'm having trouble trusting her and establishing a relationship and bonding healthily. I don't think she even really knows who she is or who she should be.
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